>Even though I am getting ready for vacation, the two week wait is worse than ever this time. I think it’s because I don’t feel all that great, and my breasts are so sore. I know it could be something – or nothing – but those little reminders make it awfully hard to forget that what I’d really like to be is pregnant!

Usually, I feel fine until the last day or two of the 2ww, so it’s hard to not get your hopes up when things are different. Why can’t our bodies just work the same each month??? At least we are leaving for vacation today, so I will be distracted.

We’ll be seeing our in-laws and some of M’s friends. It will be interesting to see if anything about ttc comes up. M has been getting more outspoken about it, which I think is good. He said he talked to some friends at work about it, when they were all out to lunch and asked him when we were going to have kids. He was with a group of guys that all have children already. One person was talking about how they are trying for another and using OPK’s. M explained we were using the fertility monitor (although I doubt he called it that, honestly). Something about a group of guys having lunch and talking about what types of fertility monitoring devices they were using made me laugh a little – in a good way. 🙂

It’s a little bit harder for me, I think, because I went through this once before. It’s hard for me sometimes to separate the two. Even now, I realize that some of my feelings (like the 2ww) are still leftover from ttc in my previous marriage. It makes me feel like I have been waiting for SO long, since the first time I started trying was almost 8 years ago. I have to remind myself that it’s really only been 8 months, and for M, it’s only been 8 months. The fact that I ttc in the past for four years is not really relevant to our current situation, since it was with a different person.

So, we’ll start our vacation, and I’ll try to put my 2ww anxiety aside. Maybe I’ll come back with good news!

Advertisements