>With tensions mounting, I suppose it was only a matter of time before there was some kind of meltdown…or blow up, depending on how you look at it. Either way, it ended in tears.

I have been trying so hard to remain optimistic – despite the fact I am losing my job, that I have (at least for now) lost all faith in our higher education system, that my department is being closed for entirely political reasons, that I have to start fertility treatment for the second time in my life, that everyone around me seems to get pregnant by just thinking about it, that our home is worth less now than we paid for it, that there are less jobs in my field available right now than I have ever seen before, that I am surrounded by people who don’t know what will happen to them when our office closes, that M. is miserable in his job, and that we can’t relocate because of everything else I already mentioned. It’s not always easy, but I try to make the best of it. We’re so much better off than so many other people – I’ll get paid until at least March, there are other people trying to hire me, our mortgage is affordable, our fertility treatments are covered by insurance, and we have a great home, nice cars, and the best dog on the planet. I try to focus on the positive, but it can be draining.

M. really does hate his job, and he really wants to move. I get it – I really do. But we can’t…and there’s nothing I can do about it. M. was not making the best of it, and it got to a point where I just couldn’t take it anymore. I got angry, and then later, there were tears.

It actually felt good. I think I needed it. I’m really good at making the best of it and staying positive – especially on the outside. I can keep it up for a while, and then I crumble. Apparently, last night was M.’s turn to vent (about work)…but it quickly escalated into more of a blowing up. It made me fall apart. Everything he talked about just seemed so minor, and I really just couldn’t take another ounce of negativity. We fought a little, and then I started crying.

I woke up this morning to a beautiful day, and I feel a little drained, but liberated.

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