>I really don’t know if I can handle another pregnancy announcement on Facebook.

I try to have a rational approach to this whole ttc thing. The fact that I dealt with it in my previous marriage is good and bad. It’s good because I feel more mentally prepared. It’s bad because it makes me feel like I have been ttc forever.

One of the aspects of ttc/infertility that bothers a lot of people (including me) is the loss of control. While it does still bother me, I try to remind myself that some of it is within my control. I can’t control the outcomes, but I am in control of my decisions. I can do nothing – and accept that I may – but most likely will not – get pregnant. I can go to my ob/gyn – knowing that the treatment will probably be less aggressive. It is up to me when I want to switch to an RE. With each treatment option, I can decide whether or not it is something I want to do…knowing that there are no guarantees, but that it is a better shot than doing nothing. Down the road, we can decide if we are willing to do IVF, if we would want to adopt, etc. I honestly don’t know what we’ll decide (probably not adoption, but you never know), but I try to remind myself that while I didn’t chose to be in this situation, the decisions I make are up to me (or us, really).

What gets me, though – no matter how hard I try to stay positive – is that so many freaking people get pregnant when they want to. The DJ on the radio this morning talked about how they got married one summer and had a baby the next (so three months of trying, max., unless they started ttc before they got married, which is possible). The person on Facebook today told me she was ttc in June when I saw her (and proceeded to explain that she would never take any fertility medications, because ‘if it’s meant to happen, it will happen.’ Lucky for her, I suppose), and now it’s August and they are pregnant! I work so hard at staying positive, not feeling like any of this is my fault, not blaming my body, trying hard to appreciate what I have – and I think I sometimes forget that there is another reality out there. It’s so far from mine, but those Facebook announcement sting every time.

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