>I haven’t posted here in ages! It was too hard to do it while I was on vacation, then things have been busy since I got back. Plus, I have had all these thoughts swirling around in my head, and I can’t decide what to write about. I think I’ll sum it all up with some randomness-

– Being on vacation in my home state was great. I got to see so many old friends (some from college that I had not seen in 7-8 years!) and spend a ton of time with my family.

– Two of my friends are pregnant! One had a miscarriage in December, and is now in her 13th week. The other had several miscarriages, but is now in her 15th week. She said she lost the others by 8 weeks, so this seems good. I’m so happy for them!

– As happy as you can be for someone when they announce their pregnancy, it feels awkward and slightly uncomfortable. It’s like when someone goes on a vacation that you think you would like, and you say “Oh I’ve always wanted to do that” or “I’ve thought about doing that myself!” – except a million times more awkward. You can’t exactly say ‘Congrats! I want to be pregnant, too!”

– We had been fairly private about our ttc efforts in the past, but we had decided to be more open about it. So, I pretty much went from no one knowing to feeling like everyone and their mom and brother knowing within a week. That was kind of odd.

– The first weekend of my vacation, I went to a bridal shower/bachelorette party. It was amazing how much ttc came up in conversation. Even more impressive was that there was only one comment that I found irritating. One woman explained that if more people could just relax about it, more people would get pregnant. ‘Look at all those people who adopt and then find out they’re pregnant,’ she said. Frighteningly, this person has a medical degree. Since we just met that morning, I let it go.

– When I told my mom we were ttc, she was really beyond excited. But then I had to tell her that it had been almost a year, and that we already went to the dr. for some preliminary testing. That was sort of like letting the air out of a balloon. Since we already went through all this with my ex-husband, they are somewhat familiar with the whole thing. That first day, they were really good and supportive. My mom even gave me a hug (she is not a big hugger) and said ‘everything will work out.’ That was nice. By the end of the trip, though, her mood had changed. I said something about ‘having a hard time getting pregnant,’ and she got annoyed and said ‘you are NOT having a hard time…it’s just taking you longer.’ Ummmm – I sort of thought having ‘it take a long time’ and having no pregnancy to show for it so far would BE the definition of ‘having a hard time.’

– My mom told my whole extended family that we are ttc. She didn’t ask ahead of time, and waited until after she said ‘I have some exciting news’ to ask me if it was ok to tell them. What was I supposed to say then? They’re standing right there! At that point, too, the last thing I wanted them to think was that I was pregnant. So, they all know. We’re all close, so it’s fine, but it’s just so awkward. They all assume it will happen, and I don’t feel like I can guarantee that.

– I came back to find out I will definitely be losing my job. My last day is March 15th. It’s a while away, so hopefully something will work out in the meantime. Or, we may decide to move in the spring – who knows.

– No matter how much time goes by, family dynamics seem to stay the same. I love them, and I have so much more to say, but I think this is enough for now!

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