>I started to write that things have been quiet lately, but then I realized that isn’t true at all. I think it would be more realistic to say that things have been quiet, with an undercurrent of insanity. The plus side is that I have been kind of distracted from thinking about ttc, which is always good.

First, things are totally up in the air because of my job. My last day is in March, which is far away, but it’s still bringing a lot of uncertainty into our lives. I thought I had another position lined up, but now there’s a funding issue, and it’s on hold. That doesn’t mean something else won’t come up by March, because it totally could, but it’s up in the air. When it seemed like this other position was going to work out, staying where we are seemed to make the most sense. We would keep working, keep ttc, probably try at least a few cycles of treatment, and then see where things stood in a year or so. With that job sort of off the table (at least for now), it’s made us think a little more about whether or not we want to stay. We aren’t opposed to staying, necessarily, but a job has come up that M. would love to apply for. It’s sort of his dream job…and it’s in another state. They actually have offices in two states, but we may not have a choice which one they send him to.

There’s a lot that has to be factored into it – whether or not he even gets the job and how much they’ll pay are at the top of the list. We would have to rent our condo instead of selling it, but I’ve come to terms with that. There are two jobs for me to apply for, too, but if those don’t work out, I could be in trouble. My application and interview process can take anywhere from 2-4 months, and M’s is much quicker. As you can see, it’s a gamble.

What we’ll do if I get pregnant along the way is enough to make me queasy. Of course, I want that to happen, but at the same time, having it happen in the middle of a job application process and move would be tough. The areas we might move to are outrageously expensive, so staying home with a baby is out of the question. And then there’s the whole fertility treatment aspect…treatment isn’t covered in either of these states, so we would just keep trying without any kind of assistance (at least for now). Again, it’s a gamble. What if staying and going through treatment would have given us a family? What if we regret it?

I know I can’t make decisions on whether or not we might have a child, living in a state that provides mandated fertility coverage, and who knows what else could happen in the next four or five years of my life. I’m hoping to at least stay where we are until January, so you never know what can happen in the meantime. So things are quiet – but crazy at the same time.

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