>I have had a lot on my mind lately, and unfortunately, the more I have on my mind, the less I tend to accomplish. The only exception to that was when I got divorced. I was nervous and upset, but relieved, too – and I went into some kind of autopilot mode. I exercised (somewhat neurotically) every day, excelled at my job, and just tried really hard not to think about the fact that I had to move in with my parents, give up my dog (to my ex-husband, but still!), pay a lot of money to a lawyer, sell a house, and figure out how to divide up all the stuff we had accumulated after being married (for 5 years) and living together (for 2-3 years). I felt like I could snap at any time, but since it was going to be a change for the better, I persevered.

Right now, it’s harder. I’m obviously not getting a divorce – I love my husband dearly. But things are changing…I am losing my job, we shifted from thinking about having a child to trying to have a child and now facing infertility, we’re thinking about relocating, and we have mixed feelings about the fields we work in. It’s all intertwined, so I can’t think about one thing without considering the other. That leaves me with messy, scattered thoughts, and I end up accomplishing very little.

I kept writing to do lists – which I normally find very motivating – but I seem to just keep adding to them, without crossing anything off. I HAVE to make an appointment at the doctor’s office, though. It’s hard at work because I have no privacy, but I need to do it. I think I need to feel like I’m doing something to move forward. I don’t have any jobs to apply for right now, and I just feel like I’m stuck. Maybe if I can feel like I am making some progress in the baby area, it will help.