>I think I am on our 50th plan to deal with our current situation, and I think this one may be the best. I think we are just going to stay where we are, and I’ll just try to get another job here. I’m relieved.

It’s been very hard to deal with all our uncertainty lately. At first, moving seemed so exciting. We both found jobs in the same area that we wanted to apply for, so it almost seemed like it was meant to be. It was like the silver lining of our current circumstances…yes, I am losing my job, and no, we are still not pregnant, but moving to a new area with better, exciting jobs seemed like a good option! Then, M didn’t get his job, and mine…well, mine will just take forever to pan out. Then, M was contacted by another company. I only had one job to apply for in that area, but it seemed like a good opportunity for M. So, I applied for that one, too. Then, M didn’t get that job, either.

Things started to feel like they were spiraling out of control. I came up with plan after plan, but none of them made sense. By Thursday night last week, we were both on edge. By Friday, we decided to most likely just stay in the area, and by Sunday, we felt quite good about it.

I think the timing is just bad. The economy is still not right, and it has a huge effect on both of our job possibilities. While I am losing my job, I will get paid until March. Even if something doesn’t work out by March, I think something would by the fall. M has a good job, and he likes the people he works with. We are making progress paying down our debt and saving money. And then there’s the fact that we are trying to get pregnant.

I thought I could ignore it and plan around it – put it in its own compartment, so it doesn’t affect the rest of my life. But that isn’t working, and I think it’s making things worse. If I were pregnant, we both know we would make different decisions, and I think that’s what’s making everything that much more difficult.

So, we are staying put, and I feel really good! We had a great weekend, free of stress and planning. We stopped taking about ‘if we move…’ and instead talked about the future like we always have in the past. I felt so good this morning that I almost wasn’t even bothered by the morning radio show topic – ‘creative ways you told people you were expecting.’ Seriously?! On a Monday morning?!

So, now we’re back where we started, which is good. I finally called the dr. on Friday, and I have an appointment on the 15th. The dr. I was seeing is now gone, but that’s ok. It’s just an Ob/Gyn, but I’m going to see what she says. I don’t know how much they can really do in that office, in terms of treatment, but I’ll ask about moving on to an RE. I don’t want to be crazy aggressive, but I don’t want to waste time, either. I’m tired of being in limbo. At least I know where I’ll be while I’m in limbo, though!

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