>I’ve mentioned in the past that I don’t get overly optimistic from one cycle to the next. I rarely POAS, because they have always been negative. I am hopeful, but I try to keep my expectations in check. It always goes well, except for the last day or two of a cycle. Every month, little thoughts creep into my head – that maybe this will be the month. Rationally, I try to push them aside, but they do creep in. Today, I am 11 dpo. Last night, M. asked if I thought we would ever have a child. I said that with time and money, probably, but without, I’m not sure. I said I like to think that we will. He gets nervous about the financial aspect and the quality of life issue (shots, monitoring, etc.), but I always say we have to just take it one month at a time. You never know – I said – this could be the month! But I don’t want him to expect too much, either, because then the disappointment is so much greater.

As the holidays approach, I think it’s common to look back on the past year. Last Thanksgiving, I remember thinking how great it would be if we could surprise M’s parents and tell them that I was pregnant. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, and it’s almost hard to believe we are in the same position we were last year – hoping again that we can surprise them. It’s hard to believe a year has passed since then, but here we are. I’m still not overly optimistic about this cycle (a low dose of Clomid can only do so much, especially for someone who is already ovulating), but I am optimistic we will have made progress by next year. If I’m not pregnant, we will probably be near the end of the line in terms of treatment. Looking ahead, I am hopeful that we will at some point have good news to share, and in the meantime, I am so thankful for all that I already have.

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