>It’s been a strange week back at work. I officially have a new job, which is great news! I got in just before the place I work issued a hiring freeze, so I feel amazingly fortunate. I got the notification before the holidays, but my official first day was Monday. It’s too bad I couldn’t have gotten a raise, but since salaries have been frozen for the past two years, that would be a lot to ask. We found out yesterday that we have to take four unpaid days off between now and May – it’s tough times, for sure.

I feel so lucky to have gotten a job with everything that’s happening with the economy, but I can’t help but feel bad about the people that are getting left behind. So many of my co-workers haven’t gotten jobs yet, and I don’t know if all of them will find employment before the March deadline (we were all laid off, but were given six-months notice; the end of their contracts is in March). I feel lucky and sad at the same time.

I was thinking this morning about my previous post about my trip over the holidays, and I realized I forgot two things. We were visiting my grandmother, who is 101, and is a little disoriented. She knew who I was, though, and at one point (after telling my sister in law that my nephew needs a sibling) asked me if I had children (I actually think she knew I didn’t, because she said ‘you don’t have children’ and sort of looked at me and waited for me to confirm). That alone was sort of a downer (I hate having to tell people I don’t have kids), but then she said, “Well, you could buy one.” This is obviously a completely inappropriate thing to say, and no one is really sure what she meant. She may have meant we could adopt, but she does watch a lot of news, so, in her 102-year old mind, she may have been referring to IVF (while that is no guarantee, who knows what she thinks about it). It’s hard to say. I didn’t even say that we wanted children, didn’t want them, or had been trying, so it was sort of a surprise. On one had, it was upsetting, but on the other, it made me laugh. It’s just so ridiculous that I think that’s all you can do! Who says those kind of things?!?

The other thing I remembered was when we had dinner with two of my oldest friends. One is pregnant (the one I mentioned in my previous post), and at one point, we talked about baby names. I was surprised and disappointed when they said that one of their top contenders is a name that I, too, had in mind. It’s a name that is in our family on both sides (M’s grandmother and my aunt), and when they said it, I came so close to telling them that they couldn’t use it – it’s mine! But, I realized that a) I am not pregnant, and b) I could change my mind if and when I am, and want to use a totally different name (unfortunately, a is is larger issue than b). Then, I thought that if I really wanted to, I could use it, anyway. There’s no law against naming your children with the same name as your friend’s child. We live in different states, so it wouldn’t even be all that confusing. I know a lot of people probably wouldn’t do that (and I may not, either), but since I have the same name as my cousin (we were both named after my grandmother – and not the one who told me I could buy a baby), I may feel differently than most people on that topic. Still, it was a bit of a blow – and a reminder that I didn’t need of how little progress we’re making in this.

AF should arrive sometime next week, so I really need to call the dr. soon to find out what injectable medications she wanted to use next. She told me, but I don’t remember. I really just need to figure out the cost, which is sort of weighing in the back of my mind. I hope it’s not too horrible, especially since I’ll be feeling the effects of my unpaid days from now until May!

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