>I really don’t have much to say right now…I’m just waiting for AF to arrive at the end of the week. I’m somewhat hopeful, but I would be totally stunned if it turned out I was pregnant. I would love to not need to move on to my next medicated cycle, but I know that most likely, that’s where I’ll end up.

I saw someone’s status in face.book a few days ago that said this-

“Put this as your status if you or somebody you know has suffered BABY LOSS. ♥♥♥ The majority won’t put it on, because unlike cancer, baby loss is a taboo. ♥♥♥ Break the silence. ♥♥♥ In Memory of all the ~Angel~ babies gone too soon but never forgotten.”

I am always glad to see attempts at increasing awareness, but I didn’t add it as my status. Of course, I know people who have lost babies, but since I haven’t personally, I just felt kind of odd about doing it. I felt like I should have, though, and I kept going back and forth on it. I clicked the “like” button, which also didn’t seem appropriate. Had I been thinking more clearly, I may have posted a message saying something like “Thank you for posting this,” or something to that extent.

Today, I saw something almost identical, except infertility was also included. It struck me as strange, because I wondered who had either removed infertility from the statement in the first place, or who had added it later on. It doesn’t matter, but I wondered. That one said-

“Put this as your status if you or somebody you know has suffered BABY LOSS or INFERTILITY. ♥♥♥ The majority won’t put it on, because unlike cancer, baby loss/infertility is a taboo. ♥♥♥ Break the silence. ♥♥♥ In Memory of all the ~Angel~ babies gone too soon but never forgotten, and the babies who were not possible.”

One of the things that always bothers me about infertility is the lack of awareness. It seems almost completely ignored by the majority of the population, and while I don’t know if it’s really “taboo,” it isn’t something that a lot of people know about or understand. Most of the population assumes that if you don’t have children, it’s because you didn’t want them. TV commercials talk about a “family” as only something that includes a child, and so many aspects of our society revolve around children. The cost of fertility treatment and lack of insurance coverage is appalling, and I think it just demonstrates how little attention it receives by the general public.

So, you would think I would have copied the face.book status that appears to have the goal of increasing awareness, but I didn’t. Part of the issue is that I don’t know if posting a status in face.book really does increase awareness, and the other issue is that I don’t want everyone on face.book to know necessarily that’s why I don’t have a child. Posting it doesn’t necessarily mean that I am infertile (the people who posted those messages both have children), but I think it would make people wonder. I realized that’s why infertility is such a difficult issue…I want awareness to increase, but I don’t necessarily want to be the one to do it. I want others to feel supported, but I don’t want people to feel sorry for me or to jump to conclusions. I’m not super private about it, but I don’t want too many people to know, either. I feel like I should take a stand, and be stronger and more courageous. Maybe when this is behind me, I will, but for now, I just don’t think I have the energy. Maybe that’s part of the problem…until you’ve come to some kind of a resolution, are you really prepared to take on the goal of increasing awareness? I think that for me, dealing with infertility takes a lot of energy. In order for me to continue to have a normal life, I have to protect myself in certain ways. I guess this is one of them.

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