>I have a lot to say but am in a bit of a hurry, so here’s an update:

– We watched “Up” last weekend. I thought it was so good! I expected the infertility aspect to be the saddest part, but I have to say that the whole movie got to me. While our personalities are entirely different than the characters in “Up,” it really made me think of our own relationship and future. M. and I remind ourselves a lot that while dealing with infertility is difficult, we will get through it, and we know that whatever happens, we will have happy and rewarding lives. I hate the idea of M. being left alone, though (more than me getting left alone, for some reason!). I really enjoyed the movie, even though it did make me teary several times.

(We also just watched Gran Torino, and I seriously think I have to outlive my husband)

– We started watching the reality show, ‘Guilana and Bill.’ I never heard of it until I read about it on another blog, and a rerun was on the other night. I find myself compelled to watch it, and so is M. We love Chicago (we don’t live in Chicago, but in the same state, and visit as much as we can), they are close to our age, and are dealing with infertility. I know some people hate the show, but I like it. I am surprised by some of the negative comments about the way their handling of infertility is being portrayed. There are so few people in the public eye who will discuss infertility, and those who do usually wait until there’s a positive outcome. Few are willing to discuss – much less document – their struggles with infertility in public. I think it’s an opportunity to raise awareness. Some people say they haven’t been trying long enough (although over 35, the standard rule is to see a dr. after 6 months), and other people say that they’ll probably be pregnant in a few months. If that happens, I’ll be happy for them! Any struggle with infertility is too long in my book, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I do admit, though, I probably won’t watch once she’s pregnant – unless I am, too. 🙂

– Sometimes I think M. is more bothered by our struggle to get pregnant than I am. It makes sense – I dealt with all this once before in my previous marriage, when my ex-husband and I tried to get pregnant for years. It’s still hard, I think it’s different for M. I was ready for the disappointment, but M. wasn’t. He was convinced he would never want kids. We had a change of heart – which is really pretty monumental for him – and here we are…still trying, taking crazy medications, and talking about whether or not we would consider IVF. A few months ago, he didn’t think he would want to go down that path, but I advised him then to keep an open mind through all of this, because you just can’t predict how you’ll feel. Now, he said, he thinks he would want to, as long as I would. He comments a lot on how he gets angry or frustrated when he hears that other people get pregnant easily or accidentally, and how he doesn’t feel like he has anything in common with those people. I wonder how many men feel this way, but just don’t express it?

– I’m hoping to call the insurance company tomorrow to get an update on my pre-approval. I’ve come to terms with the situation, and I’m looking at the positive aspects of not being on medication this cycle, if that’s how it all plays out. There are pros and cons, and if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be all set for March!

I think that’s it. There might be more, but I can’t remember, and this has already taken too long!

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