>I’m feeling a little better today. The sun in shining, and while it’s still freezing outside, I’m trying to be more positive.

I talked to M. last night about the months ahead. I’m feeling indecisive about starting injections (whenever my insurance approves it!), and about spending our summer dealing with infertility treatments. I think that if I felt like it was going to work, I would have a different attitude about it. But I’m as “unexplained” as they come…I ovulate on my own, I have regular cycles, and I always have. I’ve never missed a period in my life. I had a couple cycles that seemed long or short, but they were still between 26 and 32 days. M. is fine, too. I would think it was my age, but I’ve already been through this with my ex-husband. That was several years ago, and I didn’t get pregnant then, either. I wonder how these medications are going to help – when they seem to address an area that isn’t broken.

I’ve never been big on taking medication, and have always preferred a more natural approach to things. I never go to the doctor (except for my yearly ob/gyn appointment). It’s tough for me to go down this road, especially when we’re treating something they can’t even identify. On the other hand, it’s hard to do nothing. I worry that if I don’t try it, I’m passing up our opportunity to have a child.

I was all set to do it, but these insurance delays have given me time to think, and to separate myself a little bit from our situation. M. and I decided to start a training plan this weekend to run a 5K in May, and I realized yesterday that it could conflict with the medications I have to take. I don’t know how I’ll feel, or if I’ll be able to run. There are other issues, too – we have trips planned, and we love the summer. I don’t want to spend it feeling lousy because I’m taking medication.

I guess it comes down to how much I am willing to give up, knowing that the reward may not be there, and how much I would risk if I don’t try it at all.

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