>I guess when I hit 100 posts, things came to a halt!

I’m in a lull, I guess. I’m at a standstill, in so many ways. I feel ready for change, but I’m not in a position where change is really possible. We’ve talked about relocating – again – but we know it’s not the right time. Mentally, it is. When I see appealing jobs elsewhere, I feel like it is. But financially, it’s not. We have an opportunity to save money and pay off some debt. I would lose some of my retirement money if we moved, we can’t sell our home, and we have infertility coverage here. In a year, things will be more clear. We’ll know more about where we stand in terms of having a family, and I’ll be vested at work. Really, it makes more sense to think about moving in a year or more, but not now.

Winter is dragging on, and I feel tired. I’m still waiting on my insurance company to approve infertility treatment, and I can feel my motivation slipping away. I wish I felt hopeful, but I don’t. I can feel myself wanting to accept our life without children, and to just move on. I want to look forward to the summer – instead of thinking about a summer where I’m injecting myself with shots. I feel like I’m putting everything on hold, while I wait…for insurance coverage, for a better job, to know whether or not we’re ever going to have children. I’m tired of waiting, and putting things on hold. I want to get in shape, without worrying about exercising too much. I just want to see some kind of progress.

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