>I have been updating my blog less often because I really have nothing to say. We’re still applying for new jobs. Mine move slowly and M’s are just not working out so far. It’s a really awkward time for us.

M. would really like a new job, but is at a strange point in his career in an industry that has changed radically over the past ten years. It isn’t as easy for him to get a job as it used to be, and I’m sure it’s a little scary. The economy isn’t helping either of our searches, but the search and application process for my jobs is always tediously slow. There are two problems, though. One is that we need both our incomes, but we need his more than mine. So, even if my job search goes well, in reality, it doesn’t make a bit of difference, because I don’t want to live apart from him. If he doesn’t get a job, but I do, I’ll have to turn it down. That makes me feel like my head is going to explode.

M. has not liked his job for a while…probably over a year or more. I liked my job – until my department closed, and I got a new one. And I hate my new job. It’s complicated by the fact that it really isn’t in my field, and I feel like my skills are wasting away. So I hate it – and it also makes me nervous that it will have greater consequences on my career as a whole.

I’m just praying, wishing, and hoping that it will all work out. I need to do something I enjoy, and to feel productive. I’m not getting pregnant, I STILL can’t fill those prescriptions (and am still conflicted over traditional vs. alternative approaches, even though comprehensive alternative approaches don’t really exist where I live), and I can’t face another year in a job that I don’t like. I enjoy the field I’m supposed to be working in, and I just keep thinking that if I can’t have a child, I should be able to at least have that.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed!

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