>An acquaintance of mine posted on face.book today that she was pregnant with #2 as an April Fool’s joke. I suppose if you’re one of those uber-fertile people who gets pregnant easily (or even by accident), that might be funny, but my initial reaction was that sinking stomach feeling I get when I realize another person I know is pregnant – or even worse, is pregnant without even trying. Then I remembered it was April Fool’s Day, and I remembered why I hate April 1st every year.

Maybe I’ll go home and tell my husband I’m pregnant…Ha! April Fool’s!

I’m feeling better today. I’m still frustrated by our situation, but I am feeling more optimistic. M. seems to be, although I’m glad he acknowledges the difficulty of getting out of the situation we’re in. Part of the issue is that he makes more money than I do, but the other aspects of it that make things more awkward are that I have a graduate degree and have so far, gotten more response than he has for potential jobs (although I’ve also applied for twice as many positions). He makes more money, but didn’t go to college, and we both feel pretty invested in our careers. One of us will probably have to sacrifice (maybe a step down career-wise, less pay, or a lower-caliber employer), and it’s not easy to accept. I’m just tired of having things feel so beyond my control. I know it’s a state of mind (even though infertility feels like a loss of control, I try to remind myself that I do have control over the choices I make that are related to it), but sometimes, it’s just an uphill battle. I think I just need to feel like things are going to work out overall, and a new job is the beginning.