>I’m always amazed by the impact of our own thoughts. I was thinking today about how my perception of my life, my reality, or even a specific situation so greatly affects my attitude. We’ve changed directions so many times lately, and each time, I consciously change my thought pattern that surrounds it. When I was applying for jobs a few weeks ago, I thought my own job was horrible. I literally couldn’t stand it, and I was so ready to start over somewhere new. Then, we started waffling, and thought maybe we would stay. M. was concerned about how unhappy I was in my job, and I told him that I just needed to know what we are going to do, and then I would be able to deal with it. We decided to stay, and I focused on the positive. I started planning summer trips, and focusing on the positive aspects of my job. I stopped wondering about our future, and went back to appreciating what we already have.

Now, though, with things up in the air again, it’s hard to focus on the positive. My job is boring again, and I’m obsessed with finding a new one. It’s hard to keep reminding myself that this whole thing may lead to nothing, but I’m trying!

The whole experience just makes me wonder…how important are our thoughts? If I can make myself like or dislike a job, what else could I do?

I’m not saying that positive thinking can bring me a baby, necessarily, but it does make me wonder how my frame of mind might affect another medicated cycle (if we do one, and if we stay). I tend to believe that – statistically – the chances of something like follistim working are low. I wonder why any of these medications would make a difference, when I already ovulate on my own. No one knows what the problem is, so how can they fix it? I wonder, too, how much my thinking affects my chances of success?

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