>I have always loved the idea of wishes. I went to a Catholic school growing up, and I suspect that for a long time I confused wishing and praying. I remember praying for a cabbage patch doll, which, looking back, seems inappropriate. I probably should have wished for one instead.

I still can’t resist an opportunity for a wish. When my eyelashes fall out, when I have candles on a birthday cake, when all the numbers on a digital clock are the same (I don’t know if that’s even real criteria for a wish, but someone in high school told me it was) – I have to wish for something.

When I was married to my ex-husband, a wish was one of the things that made me realize I had given up (a little) on having children. I was starting a new job that I was really excited about, and we had been ttc for three years. I started to make my usual wish, that I would get pregnant, and I hesitated. I thought, what if this doesn’t make me happy? What things don’t work out? Instead, I wished for something much more simple – to be happy.

Since then, I almost always have a similarly general wish (although I have changed it a little), although every now and then I give in and wish for something really specific. Sometimes, though, I realize that I don’t even know what I want to wish for. Right now, I could wish for a new job, for a baby, for a new job for M…and any of those would be great. But in reality, I don’t know which I want the most right now, or what will make us happy in the end. Right now, I want it all, but most of it is beyond my control, and I don’t know what to expect from any of our efforts. All I can hope for is to be happy.

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