>It’s official – we aren’t going anywhere. M. found out last night that he didn’t get the job, so we aren’t moving, and we aren’t getting new jobs. There are so many worse places to work and to live, and there are certainly worse situations to be in…but it still stung. I know that M. was beyond disappointed, and that was hard. I really didn’t know what to say, because I know that there isn’t anything I could say that would make it better.

I feel like we honestly just haven’t been able to catch a break, and I thought maybe this was going to be it. I was hoping that we would have one of those situations where M. got the job of his dreams, we moved, and everything just made sense…where our decisions dealing with infertility would become crystal clear…where we would just feel like it all worked out in the end. Apparently, this won’t be the end for us.

Now that we’re staying, we’re going to have to figure out what our plan really is for dealing with infertility treatment. I live in a state with mandated insurance coverage, and my insurance has approved treatment, but the prescription part of my plan is still denying coverage. Even once it’s covered, though (if that ever happens), I’m torn. On one hand (especially now that we’re staying), I want to do everything we can to start a family, but I’m also hesitant. I know that statistically, our chances are not high, and they still don’t know what it is that’s preventing me from getting pregnant. I realize that it may not be possible to know right now, but I would feel better about taking medication if I knew why I was taking it (and not just because “it’s worked for a lot of people” or ” we’ve had good luck with this). Maybe it’s age, or maybe it’s something they don’t know, but I’m torn about what I want to do next.

We’re going to wait until the fall to decide. Until then, we’re going nowhere, in more ways than one.

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