>I traveled AGAIN for work this week and last, and I am beyond thrilled to say that I now have no travel scheduled from now until early July! There have been multiple times throughout the last six months that I’ve not only wondered how it would even be possible for me to pursue fertility treatments, but how I would even manage to care for a child if things had worked out. This is not the job I ever imagined having, by any means, but it’s the situation I’m in. My previous job ended, and really, I’m lucky I got the job that I did.

I really hope that by the end of the summer, I’ll have come to some kind of a conclusion about whether or not we want to pursue fertility treatments. Honestly, I just don’t know how I feel. The fact that I have this crazy job is not helping, but the next 6-12 months shouldn’t be as bad for work travel. I’ll still have to travel every other month, but that may not pose too much of a problem, depending on the timing. Beyond that, though, I just don’t know. I still want it to just happen. I want to just find out I’m pregnant one day, and be surprised. For whatever reason, I can’t give that up right now.

A woman I work with is about to be a grandmother. We were talking about her daughter, and she asked me “Do you think you’ll have children?” I felt like I could honestly answer her, saying “I don’t know.” She didn’t ask if I wanted them, or if I could – just what I thought the end result would be. I’m sure she wasn’t aware of the words she chose to use, or what my answer really meant. We talked about her daughter, and she said that her daughter didn’t really want children until she was 38. A little voice in my head kept replying to her, saying ‘but I don’t know if I can; I don’t know if I have that option.’ But I just nodded and said “we’ll see.” And, I guess we will.

Advertisements