>I haven’t been posting much lately because I really just haven’t had a lot to say. We’ve been really busy, which leaves me a little tired and without enough energy to really think about what I would want to write here. I’m also just really torn about what I want to do in our efforts to have a child. I generally lean toward doing nothing, but sometimes I second guess that. Other times, I think about trying acupuncture or other natual treatments, but I haven’t made much progress on that, either. I feel like my posts are all starting to sound the same…I’m torn about what to do, trying to accept that we may never have children, and dealing with the unpleasant reality of being infertile.

We watched Away We Go this weekend. I was a little hesitant to watch it, because I knew it was about a pregnant couple, but I had heard it was good. We decided to give it a try, and I was so glad we did! I loved it. I laughed a lot and felt a little emotional at times, but overall, it was just really good. Without runing it for those of you who haven’t seen it but might want to, I’ll just say that it has sort of an overall message (in my opinion, anyway) that no one’s life is perfect and sometimes, things just seem unfair – but you just have to do the best you can with the hand you’ve been dealt. It IS about a couple who got pregnant super easily, though, so it might be hard for some people to get past that. It wasn’t too much for me, especially because of the way they handled it. There is a scene about infertility/loss that is pretty heartbreaking, but I thought they captured it well. So, overall, I liked it.

The rest of the weekend was pretty good. I went for a run on Saturday, and it was SO warm. I realized I was spotting when I got home, and after looking at my calendar, I also realized that AF was due to arrive that day. How punctual! I thought. Then, the spotting went away, and nothing happened. I hate the stop-start spotting thing. It doesn’t always happen, but it’s annoying! AF has still not arrived, and I have to admit I did get my hopes up a little (especally after projectile-vomiting on Sunday and being nauseous all day), but this morning, the spotting is back and is now almost crossing the line from spotting to AF. Luckily, my nauseousness is subsiding, so at least I won’t have to deal with AF and feeling sick. I guess there’s always a silver lining.

(I think I was sick because of running in the heat on Saturday. I felt ok after the run, but I have a feeling I was dehydrated and didn’t realize it. I had been SO sweaty, and I probably didn’t replace enough of my fluids. I had beer at the pool during the day, and some wine on Saturday night, but I didn’t drink as much water as I usually do. I have a feeling it just added up, so I need to keep that in mind when it’s hot!)

We had dinner at a friend’s house on Saturday, and the couple with the baby was there. She’s so sweet – I would be lying if I said that stealing her hasn’t crossed my mind. 🙂 I really like the parents a lot, and now that we’ve seen them several times, the baby doesn’t bother me. The husband did ask us on Saturday if our families ever pressured us or gave us a hard time about not having kids, which was hard to answer. We both just said no. I wanted to say, No, because we can’t, but that didn’t come out of my mouth. After they were gone (and I had more wine), I did tell the two women that I know that we had been trying to have a child for two years, and that most likely, it isn’t going to happen for us. One of them already knew (and I thought she knew, but I wasn’t sure), but she said her husband forbid her from ever saying anything to me about it. I know that was his attempt at being sensitive, and I know that other people might appreciate that, but for me, it just feels wierd. I don’t want to talk about it all the time, necessarily, but acting like I’m in the same boat that they are (under 30, haven’t even started ttc yet), just feels bizarre. I’m sure they’ll all be pregnant soon enough, anyway.

I keep thinking about the movie, though, and I remind myself that sometimes, bad things happen to good people, and we all just deal with it the best we can.

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