>I have mentioned before that this is my second marriage…I was married for almost five years to my ex-husband, who I met in college. Before we dealt with infertility and before our marriage fell apart, we had a dog. We got her before we even got married –  when I was 23 or 24. I loved that dog, and when we got divorced, leaving her was the hardest thing I had to do. I didn't want to, but she was sort of wild – and a little aggressive – and I had a hard time controlling her. I was staying with my parents when I got divorced, and she got into it with my parents' smaller and older dog. It really freaked them out, and since I wasn't in a position to get my own place yet, I knew I had to give her up. It was really sad, and it's always bothered me. In all honesty, though, I have moved on. I remarried and got another dog, who I adore. I feel bad that I left her, but not really that I no longer own her, if that makes sense. My ex-husband was better at controlling her, and I sort of thought it all worked out, really.

My ex-husband and I are not on good terms, so I found out through a mutual friend a while ago that my old dog had cancer. She recovered, and now she has three legs. It's also through a mutual friend that I found out when my ex-husband (who was supposed to be the one with the fertility problems!) had a baby. To say that it's bothered me is an understatement, but I really am glad that he's happy. I'd been a little concerned that he might be tempted to get rid of her, but since his son has got to be a year old by now, I figured I was in the clear. I know I have said – out loud – that I would hope that if he was going to get rid of her, that he would tell me.

There are days that I hate facebook, and days I don't mind it. Today, I wish I never looked at it, because today, I saw that a mutual friend (of mine and my ex-husband's) was a fan of a page that is essentially my ex-husband's plea to find a home for my old dog. His son, it turns out, is allergic, and so he needs to find a home for my old 13 year old three legged dog.

There are so many thoughts swirling around in my head that I can't even think straight. First, I couldn't believe that NO ONE TOLD ME. I mean, the mutual friend, my ex-husband? Then, I gave my ex-husband and the mutual friend the benefit of the doubt, and thought maybe they are doing me a favor. It's a stretch, but I am. I saw all the fans of the page in facebook, and they are all people I know…they're people from my old life, but I know them! I felt ashamed…she was mine, and now he has to see if a stranger will take her in? I'm torn between trying to forget I saw it and wanting to tell him I'll take her – but taking her could be a total disaster. I don't want our lives to become totally – and there's a good chance they would. I have a responsibility now to my current husband and current dog – who do I put first?

I honestly feel like such a jerk for not just saying I'll take her. I feel so selfish and…I don't know…just bad.

Then, of course, there's the little bitter infertile voice in my head that remembers that this is all because he has a baby. The only reason this is even happening is because he has a baby, and him having this allergic child makes me question whether I should throw our lives into total upheaval.

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