>I always feel like the new year should fill me with hope and promise, and that I should use the time to make resolutions and plan for the new year. At the same time, though, life is so unexpected…last January, I had no idea we would be moving before 2011, and I thought we would be forging ahead with infertility treatments. Well, we didn’t even do any fertility treatments in 2010 (which seems impossible to me!), and here we are living in another state. You just never know where life will take you.

I’m still enjoying my acupuncture appointments, and charting my bbt’s is always both good and bad. It’s good to be informed, but I hate seeing irregularities. My acupuncturist noticed them, too, so it’s not like it’s I’m just being paranoid. She’s having me take vitex (pill) and natural progesterone (cream) after I ovulate, which this month took it’s sweet time. Fertility Friend is still debating when I ovulated – I was excited yesterday to see the red line (even if it was dotted), but they took it away today (it doesn’t help that I didn’t even start charting my bbt until late in the cycle, so a bunch of temperatures are missing). I think it was somewhere around cd 20. Anyway, I’ve been going for acupuncture once a week, and now I’m trying vitex and natural progesterone. She said she might add one more herb next cycle, because my temps are low. She also wondered if I have a cyst, which wouldn’t surprise me, given my spotting a few months ago. So, we’ll see what happens. M seems dubious that anything will work, but I figure that it certainly won't hurt.

The acupuncturist also mentioned that dr. again. She said he’s got an incredible track record of finding out what’s preventing people from getting pregnant, even though he’s not an RE. She said he’s better than an RE in that respect, and that he has an incredible reputation for finding the root for the problem, rather than just prescribing medication. It’s tempting – that’s exactly what I want, really. I’d love to be able to have a child, but I’m just so hesitant to do any more treatments without knowing what it is we’re trying to fix! I don’t feel mentally ready right now, but maybe in another month. I changed my insurance (now that we moved, my insurance wasn’t going to work very well here), so at least soon I’ll be able to go to him if I want to.

I’m sort of in a weird place at the moment. I can’t explain my sudden hopefulness and optimism about having a child…I had given up, and I can’t explain why I feel differently. It’s almost like I’m being propelled down a path – like it wasn’t time to give up yet. I don’t know how else to explain it, but sometimes, things fall into place. I’m going to hang onto the feeling as long as I can.

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