>I had a feeling AF was on its way all weekend. I started spotting on Saturday, and that’s pretty much a sure sign for me. Of course, there’s always that last bit of hope that I’ll be one of those people who has spotting but is still pregnant, but that hasn’t been true in the almost 2.5 years we’ve been ttc. AF showed up late last night/this morning in full force. I was a little bummed – only because I did have some visions (delusions?) of being one of those people who could say, “We tried for over two years, and after one month of acupuncture, I was pregnant!” Realistically and logically, though, I know that it takes longer than a few weeks of acupuncture to turn things around.

So, now we’ll start over. I’m supposed to use a castor oil pack today, because my acupuncturist thinks I may have a cyst. She said the castor oil pack can sometimes help get rid of it – and if I don’t have one, she thought it would still be a good thing to try. I’m a bit perplexed by the castor oil pack, to be honest…it seems messy, and I’ve read so many conflicting things about when to use it. Some say it should be used while menstruating, and others say it should not. I am seeing my acupuncturist tomorrow, so I may wait and ask her then. I know I shouldn’t do it after I ovulate, but I’m a little confused about using it today vs. 2-3 days from now.

I felt good after doing acupuncture this month, but I can’t say it’s made a ton of difference so far. I only went three times, though, so I’m thinking this cycle could be the one where I see a difference. I feel good overall – I just can’t say I saw a huge difference in my cycle. The whole thing was a little screwed up, anyway, though, because I missed those early cycle temperatures. I’m wondering now if I really ovulated on CD 17, but it’s hard to know for sure. If it really was CD 19, then my LP got shorter, instead of longer. Hopefully, things will be more clear this cycle.

M and I talked last night about me seeing that doctor that my acupuncturist recommended. I think when my insurance is straightened out, I’ll make an appointment. Even if he can’t fix anything, maybe he’d be able to figure out what it is that’s preventing me from getting pregnant. I feel like I need more information, and I need to know what our chances really are of ever having a child. If he can find a problem and fix it – that would be amazing. If he can’t figure it out, then at least I tried, and if he can find the problem but feels it’s not fixable…well, then we know, and we can move on.

In the meantime, I’ll stick with acupuncture and hope for the best. Even if I don’t get pregnant, at least I’m getting healthier. It’s hard to hang on to that optimism I felt a few weeks ago, but I’m trying. I’ll be turning 37 this year, and I feel like if we’re going to revisit this, it’s our chance. It may not be out last chance, but it certainly isn’t going to get any easier.

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