>I signed up for IComLeavWe, which I haven’t done in ages. I think I didn’t because of a combination of being so busy that I knew I couldn’t comment on six blogs a day on top of the ones I already read, and the fact that I wasn’t posting with much frequency. We had sort of given up on our ttc efforts and assumed we wouldn’t have children, so it was sometimes hard to think of things to write. But, unexpectedly, here I am, posting often and pretty much back on the ttc wagon again, and I’m not as busy as I was a few months ago.

One thing that always stumps me when I fill out the form for ICLW is choosing the three words to describe what I blog about most often. It’s hard to break it down into three words, and I can never decide what words best fit my current situation. I can barely describe my situation with unlimited words, so three is definitely a challenge!

I mentioned that I am “unexpectedly” back to ttc, and it’s true. I mean, we were never preventing anything, but I think we had pretty much accepted that short of a miracle or giant surprise, we’d never be parents. We didn’t plan to start ttc again when we moved…it just sort of happened. My allergies were driving me crazy, and I thought I would give acupuncture a try…and why not see if we can do something about being infertile while we’re at it!?! And now, here we are – back to charting, taking herbs – and essentially TRYING again.

When I started this blog, I thought of the title* “trying again” in two ways. I had been married before and tried to have a child then, so I was trying again – but with a different person, and essentially another life. I also thought of the obvious – the way that infertility forces you to pick yourself back up every month and try again – and hang on to some sliver of hope.

What I didn’t realize is that M and I would try – again and again – and then stop trying…only to pretty much start all over again. When we first saw a dr. about our inability to get pregnant, we agreed we would spend one year, start to finish, on fertility treatments/testing/etc. If we had no baby, we would close the door on the idea and put it behind us.

That didn’t work out (two months into it, we had insurance issues and started to have second thoughts about the route we were taking), so we never really put the time or effort into treatments that we had planned. The year came and went, and it’s actually been over a year since we’ve done anything at all.

I keep thinking about what’s changed…what would make me all of a sudden have hope – and have a desire to keep trying? I really don’t know. I’m trying to hang on to that hope, but it isn’t always easy. I feel more hopeful than I have in ages, though, and for whatever reason, it’s something.

*After creating my blog, I realized I had a typo in my title and that I accidentally typed ‘agian’ instead of ‘again.’ Whoops!

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