>I had my weekly acupuncture appointment yesterday, and it went pretty well. My pre-O temps are looking good…more consistent than previous cycles, and a little lower, on average, than they were in the past. I did have one ridiculously high temp over the weekend that I deleted – it was 98.2 degrees! My average pre-O temp has been around 97.5, so I think it was a fluke thing. I had a few glasses of wine the night before, which generally doesn't affect my temps too much, but I must not have slept well. They've been back in the 97.5 range ever since, so I think deleting it was the right thing to do. I'm on CD 12, so hopefully I'll ovulate in the next few days. 

My acupuncturist was pretty chatty yesterday, and while I like talking to her, my appt. wasn't as relaxing as it should have been. At one point, while we were talking, I started to feel really dizzy and ill. I had to close my eyes for a minute in the middle of a sentence! She left after that to let me rest, and while she was gone I felt soooo heavy. I wish I could have laid there longer! It seemed like she felt sort of bad about all the talking at the end of my appointment, and I don't want her to feel bad, but I also feel like I do need a little quiet time to let the needles do their thing. 
I have been really having issues with the opk's I bought. I really hate those things, but I feel like I sort of need them to make sure we get the timing right. I got these new ones from the Clearblue people that are supposed to be digital. I like them because they work sort of like the clearblue fertility monitor – you pop the test stick in to this digital reader, and it shows the results – either a blank circle (negative) or a smiley face (positive). I like not having to look at the lines and figure out which is darker, but it's been giving me a lot of errors. It says it's ok to test in the morning, which is good for me because I drink a ton of water and have a hard time holding it for long enough to test in the afternoon. I don't know if the problem is the test, the fact that I'm trying to use fmu, or if I am just screwing it up, but I got errors this morning and on Sunday. If I retest in the afternoon it seems to work, but I hate to waste the tests, and it's hard for me to hold it for four hours! I really liked these tests initially, but I am starting to think they are more trouble than they're worth. 
I got my new insurance card yesterday in the mail, so now I'm free to make a doctor's appointment and get a second opinion. I realized – pretty much upon receiving the mail – that my insurance issues have been an easy excuse to avoid going to the doctor, and to even avoid thinking about it at all! I know a lot of people would jump at the chance to see a doctor who has a great reputation for having a good bedside manner AND being able to diagnose people who have been dealing with infertility, but I'm just not looking forward to it. I know I need to, and I would be stupid not to, but it's just a hard step for me to take. I have some ideas of why this is such an issue for me, but I'm not sure which one is primary. First, he's a man, and I've never been to a male ob/gyn in my life. I actually almost never see male doctors at all, so seeing a male ob/gyn is strange and not very comfortable for me. I think there's more to it than that, though. It feels a little like opening up a can of worms…testing, thinking about treatment options, making decisions…I know it's necessary, but I just dread it. I dread talking about it – giving my infertility history through several years and two marriages, and figuring out how to explain that I really want a baby and want to know what's preventing it from happening but don't really want to take medication. I know my last doctor should have repeated the tests I had done when I was married to my ex (hsg, sono, ultrasounds), but it certainly made it easy that she didn't (although she did do extensive bloodwork). So now, I feel like on one hand, what if this dr. feels the same way…what if, despite his reputation, he just wants to take some blood and throw clomid at me? On one hand, it would be easy (yay for no tests!), but on the other, it would be disappointing. And speaking of disappointment…what if I do have to go through a bunch of tests and he still has no answers? 
Thinking about it just drains me, but I know I need to do it. I'll be 37 in three months, so I know I shouldn't delay things. I have pretty good insurance coverage, which should cover infertility testing, and my schedule for the next few months is flexible enough that I could make it to whatever appointments I might need. So why is it so difficult to just pick up the phone and make an appointment? 
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