Adoption is overwhelming!

I am still doing a lot of reading and researching, but we decided it’s coming to a point where we might want to ask for some materials to be sent to us from some agencies. We’re also starting to come up with questions that aren’t answered on the websites for these agencies, so I feel like we are just about ready to need a point of contact for questions. Our plan is to narrow it down to a manageable number of agencies (maybe four), and go from there.

The whole thing, though, is confusing. It seems like rules for international adoptions change all the time, and what’s a good program one year might not be the next. Or, timelines (which are really important to us) and the availability of younger children (also important) are in flux, so making a decision about which agencies to contact is really hard. On top of all that, one agency might work with the X, Y, and Z countries we’re interested in, while another might only work with A and Z. If we end up going with A or Z, it isn’t an issue, but what if it turns out that Y is our best bet? Another thing that makes things difficult is that some websites that aren’t affiliated with a particular agency might state that while country X used to have strong programs, they are currently in decline. If you search long enough, I swear it says that about EVERY country. But, the agency websites aren’t always in agreement. We were initially primarily interested in three countries, but then I read that wait times in one of those countries is now approaching four years. We really don’t want to wait that long because of our age, so we are still looking at the original two and are considering a third that just might end up making sense.

Our plan is to request some info, even though we still aren’t positive this is the route we’re going to take. I hope it leads to more clarity, and not less!

Surprisingly (or not, I guess), this overwhelming information gathering stage of the process has not seemed to make M less interested. He’s still not positive he wants to do it, but it’s a MAJOR decision, and I think that’s normal. Honestly, if he were the one who suggested we look into adoption, I think I would feel the same way. I wonder if I’ll second guess things if/when he’s more on board?

Even though I find the prospect exciting, there’s still a part of me that wishes I was coming at this from a different perspective. I wish that my interest in adoption didn’t have anything to do with the fact that I’m infertile. I wish I could be like other (fertile) women, who decide to try to have children, get pregnant, and have a baby….and who don’t have to figure out how to come up with $30,000 and what agency they should choose to help them have a child. I guess sometimes I just wish it were easier.

I’ve seen a few agencies that have online webinars, so maybe that will help. There’s also an in-person talk offered by one of the agencies near here in February, and I hope we can go to that. It’s just crazy how much there is to learn and figure out!

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