I think we have things pretty much narrowed down to the country we’d like to try to adopt from, and maybe even the agency. It’s between only two or three, but one stands out because they seem to have a better reputation.

The difficult part is that is seems like regardless of which country we look at, there’s some major issue. In Russia, things seem to have slowed, and it’s more difficult to get younger children. Korea is attempting to phase out its international adoption program and puts a limit on the number of children who can be adopted internationally each year. Taiwan is up in the air because of new potential legislation. Ethiopia has slowed and seems uncertain. Other countries have a waiting list that will be likely to result in a wait that’s at least 3 years, but maybe more. I start to feel frantic as I go from website to website, thinking that there must be a country that doesn’t have a waiting list. It’s draining.

So, then I start to look at domestic adoption. International has felt like a better fit for us, but domestic isn’t out of the question. My main concerns with that are cost, and the birth mother changing her mind. One of the agencies we like for international adoption also handles domestic, but the cost is even higher than for international. It’s beyond what we can pay, and I don’t know if their cost is unusually high, but it leaves me unsure what to do and how to proceed. I don’t even totally understand the process, and the idea of a birth mother changer her mind completely freaks me out. It feels like the solution to our infertility is so hard to see sometimes.

The other thing that looms in the back of my mind is the fact that infertility treatment is covered by my insurance. I don’t know if I would really be an ideal candidate right now, because I had the LEEP procedure 6 months ago, but it’s all complicated anyway by the fact that my insurance is extremely slow to pay…like almost a year later kind of slow. On top of that, there’s the whole idea of going down that path…medications, the side effects, failed cycles…It all just leaves me so confused, and even though I feel like adoption is the right option for us, I wonder if I should be giving treatment more thought.

In the middle of trying to figure all this out is the ridiculously high number of pregnancy announcements we’re gotten recently.  I feel bombarded, and it’s wearing me out. I still feel like international adoption is the right path for us, but it’s a little scary, and sometimes it just feels like there’s no end in sight.

There are days where I am so envious of people who have it so easy. I wish I wasn’t, but it’s hard.