After doing tons of research and spending a lot of time thinking, we may have a tentative plan for moving forward. We’re going to make an appointment for a consultation with an RE, but we’re also keeping adoption on the table.

I feel like I’m coming at this from the opposite perspective of most (infertile) people. We would be really happy to adopt, and I think M would actually feel better about moving ahead with adoption, instead of treatment. He worries about my health, the effects of treatment, possible miscarriages, etc. I do, too. I think if it weren’t for the cost and the unknowns of adoption, we’d be applying now. But the cost is such a huge issue, and it’s hard to get past it. I can’t borrow against my retirement (it’s not allowed), and we don’t have time to save the money that we would need. We can save some, but not enough. There’s no one to borrow money from, so we would need to take out a loan – for essentially the whole cost.

We did tons of research on international adoption and narrowed it down to two countries, but it’s so confusing, and every country seems to be really pushing its own domestic adoption programs. I’m glad they are, but it makes it hard to commit to a country, when it’s possible that in the course of waiting (which is in a lot of cases, 2-3 years), the program could close all together. We looked at domestic adoption, too, but the costs and time frame seem even more unpredictable. We aren’t ruling any of it out, but it’s hard to ignore the fact that I could be pursing treatment – which is covered by my insurance – and getting the result we want a lot faster.

So, we decided it would be worth at least a consultation, and probably some tests – and we can see what they say. I feel good that we’ll be moving forward, but hate the idea of having to decide how we should proceed. I dread the idea of taking medications and being poked and prodded, but I dread being without a child more.