My lap is officially two weeks away! I’m starting to freak out a little bit, but I know that part of it is because I haven’t told my parents about it, and I can’t decide if I want to. My family – and especially my mom – has been so stressed because my dad has been dealing with cancer for the last six months. I almost feel like she has PTSD as a result of his hospital stay (he was there for three weeks and had several surgeries), and she’s just not dealing with anything rationally. Even though he’s finished with chemo and is (I think, anyway) in remission, she’s worrying like crazy over every little thing and jumping to the worst case scenario for everything that happens in her head. It doesn’t even have to be about my dad – she got so wound up about a situation that’s happening with her brother that she couldn’t even sleep! Her health isn’t the greatest, either, and I think her health is suffering even more because of all the stress.

My mom knows we’ve been trying to have kids for years, and she knows we saw a doctor in the past who ran some basic tests. She knows we tried a few cycles of Clomid. She isn’t the most comforting person in the world, and tends to say things like:

“I hope you don’t cry every time you get your period”

“Be thankful for what you already have”

“You don’t have any interest in doing IVF, do you???”

“Don’t you think you had cervical dysplasia because you took fertility drugs?”

“I think you should leave well enough alone.”

So, when we went to see an RE, I didn’t tell her. It’s not that she’d have a bad reaction, but between her stress level and the fact that she doesn’t usually make me feel a heck of a lot better about anything, I just didn’t see the point. It has spiraled a little out of control now, though, because now I am going to have surgery, and she doesn’t know that, either. I keep waiting to see if she sounds better (more stable, less fragile) on the phone, but so far, it isn’t happening. I sort of think I can get through it without telling them, but I keep worrying – what if there are complications? I talk to them usually twice a week, and what if I am too uncomfortable three days after the surgery to talk on the phone? It shouldn’t happen, but you never know! I wish not telling them wasn’t bothering me, but it is. I fee like that means I should tell them, but then we’re on the phone, and I think it’s a bad idea.

In the meantime, I am basically willing my period to arrive. I have had cramps for two days, and I am running a race on Sunday. If I get my period today, the race will be fine. If it’s tomorrow, it won’t be AS fine, but it will be ok. I’d rather it arrives before Saturday, though, because CD2 is not always pretty.

Either way, at the end of the next two weeks, I’ll have run a race and will be short at least one endometrioma.

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