I decided to go ahead with the surgery. There’s really no other good time to schedule it until the end of the summer, so I’m going to just go ahead and hope for the best. I wish the timing were a little different, and that I could see my ob/gyn and get my cervix checked before the surgery, but I don’t think my insurance would let me do it as early as I would need to, which would pretty much be this week. Delaying my pap test by another week shouldn’t make a difference, really, and if I’m still uncomfortable three weeks after the lap (which I am hoping is not the case), I could really wait one additional week. Or, I could go and just ask my ob/gyn to restrict my exam to my cervix, because really, my RE does plenty of looking at my ovaries, anyway.

I’m still nervous about it, and I hope that getting the surgery is the right thing to do. I keep reminding myself that I do have the endometrioma, which is not going to go away, and if anything, could become larger. Even if we don’t proceed with IVF, I should probably deal with the endometrioma and see how much of an issue the endo really is. I just hope I have an easy recovery. What it really comes down to is that I just don’t want to do it! I want to be like my friends who call me and tell me they’re pregnant – that the biggest decision was whether to try (or try again) to have a baby (or baby #2). I don’t want to have to decide if I should have surgery, and whether I am willing to subject myself to shots every day and uncomfortable procedures for just the chance of getting pregnant. It’s hard not to just wish that things were different.

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