I mentioned a while ago that a good friend of mine is pregnant. We’ve been friends since 2nd or 3rd grade, and we were college roommates. We’ve had some hard times, but generally, we are close. Up until she got pregnant, she and her husband were also among a handful of couples we enjoyed spending time with who didin’t have children. We don’t live near them, but until we moved further away a year ago, we went on a yearly vacation together.

Finding out she was pregnant was hard…partially because it was so incredibly easy for them, but also because I knew that an aspect of our friendship would be lost. It feels (and it’s possible that I am imagining things) like it’s become even harder for her to comprehend my dealing with infertility, when she got pregnant so easily. She’s totally preoccupied by being pregnant, and I don’t blame her, but I’m just not mentally in a place to share that with her. I email her occasionally to see how she’s doing, but to be honest, I am relieved I don’t have to see her face to face. I’m extra relieved that I don’t have to see her, along with a mutual friend who is expecting her second child, face to face on a regular basis. It’s just too much.

Usually, though, I can deal with it from a distance reasonably well. At least, I thought I could. When she sent an email letting our college friends know she was pregnant, it made me realize that maybe I’m not dealing with it as well as I thought. I truly am happy for her, and I wouldn’t want her to deal with infertility, but at the same time, it’s hard to see all the congratulatory emails going her way. It’s hard to see that all our college friends are surprised she’s pregnant, since she never wanted children, but there she is – pregnant after hardly even trying. I wish I didn’t sound bitter when I was talking about it to a mutual friend, but I’m afraid I did. Luckily, that friend is super nice and not judgmental.

Maybe it’s just bad timing. I am surrounded by pregnancies and pregnancy announcements, mothers day is looming, and I’m recovering from surgery and possibly gearing up for IVF. It’s bad enough dealing with the fact that I don’t have children because I’m infertile, but feeling like the odd man out just makes it that much harder to deal with.