We’re going out of town at the end of the week for a long weekend, and AF should arrive at the end of that trip or somewhere around there. I hope to have an AF-free vacation, but we’ll see. It’s obviously not within my control.

We’re also still waiting for insurance approval to start treatment. While there’s a chance we might get approval in time to do an IUI or IVF cycle this month, chances seem kind of slim. I keep trying to figure out what might be possible, but it gives me a headache. I run through different scenarios (what if AF arrives on Monday…CD3 is Wednesday…or how about if it’s on Tuesday…could we squeeze in an IUI cycle, maybe? Since IVF would start with bcp’s, maybe IVF isn’t out of the question right now…oh but then there’s that work trip in July…and why am I even thinking about this at all – I’m still waiting for that insurance approval…) It’s like a circus in my head, and after a while, I decide to just stop thinking about it.

This is exactly what happened last time we tried to pursue treatment. We were all ready to move forward, and then everything stopped while we waited for insurance approval. It’s hard to stay motivated when nothing is happening. I know there are a lot of people who can hang on to hope and can stay motivated cycle after cycle, but that’s not me. I get mentally and physically prepared to move forward – to just give up my normal life and replace it with fertility drugs, tests, and procedures – I make the appointment, we have discussions, and we make decisions. I get ready. And then, nothing happens…and I start to think about how much I like my normal life, and how none of this is probably going to work anyway, so maybe I should just let it go. We were ready in February when we made the appointment to see the RE – we were ready when we scheduled my surgery – and we had hoped to just keep that momentum. But since April, we’ve just been waiting. We were supposed to start an IVF cycle in May, but between insurance delays, AF, and travel, I’m starting to wonder if it’s ever going to happen. I know it’s not THAT long – especially in the scheme of things – but it’s frustrating, and it’s hard to hang on to that momentum to keep going.

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