We had our IVF orientation yesterday. It wasn’t mandatory, but the nurse encouraged us to go if we could. It was pretty informative – most of it I already knew, but they had someone from the lab present, too, and that was interesting. I think M and I learned a few things.

The downsides were that they kept emphasizing the decreased success rates with advanced maternal age, and they mentioned a few times how difficult it is to coordinate an IVF cycle while traveling. I’m sure that other people felt like the stressed different aspects of IVF, and it might be that those jumped out at me because those are pretty much my two concerns, but it left me feeling kind of apprehensive.

I’m sure they mention the decreased success rates because they want people to have realistic expectations. I mean, not everyone does research and reads blogs, right? I’m sure there are a lot of people who think IVF is a sure thing, and it’s not. And it’s less of a sure thing when you’re nearing 40. Still, though, it’s hard not to be bothered by it. Why didn’t all my friends who are the same age as I am who got pregnant easily not have to worry about advanced maternal age?!? I couldn’t help but feeling like my ovaries are like a ticking time bomb, and that we’re running out of time. I’m 38, but my FSH was high, so not only do I have advanced maternal age, but I’m running out of eggs (by the day, it feels like).

Then, there’s the IVF scheduling. If they let me be on bcp’s for three weeks (instead of 1-2) at the beginning of the cycle, I think it can work out. If not though, August AND September will be out. I have trips planned at the same point in the month two months in a row, and I can’t get out of either of them. I feel like I keep getting myself emotionally and mentally prepared for an IVF cycle, and sometimes it feels like it’s never going to happen! Between these scheduling issues and my ticking-time-bomb ovaries, I just feel so frustrated and honestly…kind of bummed.

It’s hard to feel optimistic about something when it seems like it’s never going to happen.