I’ve been getting back into my exercise routine after a lapse from a work trip. Swimming, running, and yoga – it feels like a good balance.

I’ve been thinking about my RE and am thankful that she’s such an advocate of exercise and fitness. At the IVF orientation, she mentioned that she recommends exercise before and during IVF (unlike some RE’s), because she thinks it’s advantageous to be as healthy as strong as possible during an IVF cycle. She said the stress-relieving aspect of exercise doesn’t hurt, either.

I’ve become obsessed with making my own bread. It’s delicious and better for you than store-bought!

I’ve also been figuring out ways to eat all the vegetables we’re getting from our garden.

I’ve wondered if all this garden-tending and bread making (I made my own pasta a few weeks ago, too!) are somehow a temporary subconscious effort to feel like I’m creating something – since I’ve failed so far at making a baby.

I’ve tried to be thankful for a summer free of infertility treatments, even though that was not the plan.

I’ve realized that early September (when I should start IVF) isn’t all that far away!

I’ve wondered what we’ll do if IVF doesn’t work…and how many tries it will take to come to that realization.

I’ve been thinking about DE and wondering if it’s a good fit for us. I haven’t come to a conclusion. I’m hoping we don’t have to address it, but I know we might. We were really interested in adoption and only abandoned that idea because of the cost (my health insurance covers IVF) and some concerns I have overall that I’ll have to address another time. But, the idea of adoption is appealing to me, and I look at DE in some ways as an extension of that. One of the advantages of DE over adoption – for me – is having more control over the in utero environment, less concern about bonding/attachment (I know most people who adopt have no problem with attachment/bonding, but it would be less of a concern for me with DE), and the ability to use younger and healthier eggs. I love that there would be a genetic link to my husband, too. My main concerns are related to the issue of whether or not to tell family, the child, when to tell…but I guess I have some time to think about all that. M was totally opposed to DE but is now less opposed.

I’ve tried to be more optimistic about my upcoming IVF cycle. It’s just so hard to imagine anything working after all this time.