Yesterday, my acupuncturist told me about a woman she treats who was told it was impossible for her to get pregnant, and then did (attributing it to acupuncture). The week before, she told me about a woman who was determined to have a baby but didn’t want to go the IVF route. In the end, after years and years and years of trying and having acupuncture sessions to improve her infertility, she gave up gluten and got pregnant at the age of 40.

I know these stories are supposed to be uplifting. At least, that’s my assumption. My acupuncturist wants me to think positively, and I am guessing that’s why she tells me about these people. Either that, or she thinks IVF is unnecessary, and that if I just stuck it out long enough, acupuncture would work.

The thing is, though, there are the other people. The people who try for years and years and years and are left empty-handed. I don’t have time to try acupuncture for three or four or five years with the hope that I’ll be pregnant by the end. Because if I’m not – if I’m not like the person she told me about – my options will be more limited then than they are right now.

I know I am probably being defensive, and that she means these stories to be examples of people who overcame the odds, but what makes me feel better is looking at my friend tried to have a baby for seven years and got pregnant on their first IVF cycle. She has a two-month old baby now. THAT is what makes me feel hopeful.

My mom told me this week about her friend’s daughter-in-law who had a surprise pregnancy at the age of 41. She already has a few children and was on medication for Chron’s disease when it happened. The family was shocked and concerned (because of the medication) and all around freaked out. I don’t know why she tells me these stories. I don’t know if she just isn’t thinking, and is just something she thinks is worth sharing (not related to me being infertile), or if she thinks it will somehow give me hope. It doesn’t, though. What it makes me think is how incredible it is that someone who is 41 can get pregnant while trying not to and on a whole ton of medication, while I, at 38, am on no medication and have been trying to get pregnant for four years. It makes me feel the opposite of optimistic – sort of like crap.

I know people mean well, and I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but right now, I don’t need that. The last thing I need are seeds of doubt – stories that make it sound like maybe we are being too aggressive…that maybe we could get the results we want without being stuck with needles on a daily basis. I know this is the right thing for us, right now, and that, I guess, is what matters.

 

 

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