My first monitoring appointment is today.

I had my blood work done this morning (they use an off-site lab) and made it in before the 8 am deadline. I had a lot of time to spare, but the idea of being late still made me a bit nervous. I really hope I get a good report from the doctor this afternoon – it’s just so hard to know what’s going on in there. I think I feel some twinges and achiness in my ovaries, but my mind may be playing tricks on me. I’m also really bloated, or something, but it’s just so hard to know. Sometimes I wish we’d tried a few medicated IUIs, so at least I’d know how I respond and how I might feel from at least one of the medications. We tried Clomid years ago, but it was unmonitored. I remember my ovaries hurting then (although I also may have had that endometrioma, too!), so it keeps making me think I should be feeling more! I know it’s not the same drug, though, and doesn’t have the same side effects or even the same timing. I’m trying not to worry. It’s still kind of early.

Many years ago – when I was in my early 30’s and married to my ex-husband – I saw an RE and did a clomid/IUI cycle. I was on fairly high doses of Clomid, and the way they did their monitoring at that office was just lousy (my experience there actually put me off from seeing an RE for many years while being married to M). Monitoring appointments were all first-come, first-serve, and the wait was tremendous in the morning. They set up a sign in sheet outside the office, so that patients could sign in as they arrived and get an early spot in line. This was before the office even opened at 7 am. They also required, from what I remember, a ridiculous amount of monitoring, so dealing with the early morning sign-up and long wait was a daily occurrence. It added a crazy amount of stress to an already unpleasant situation.

I was thinking about those appointments this morning. Aside from the horrible set-up, I don’t remember being particularly nervous about my progress. I remember, at one point, having TOO MANY follicles, and the nurse had to talk to me about the possibility of selective reduction. Of course, they informed me later that my ex’s SA results had somehow slipped through the cracks, and that there was almost no way the cycle was going to work, anyway (this was our 2nd IUI, by the way).  My point is, though, me and my ovaries were in a different place 7 years ago.

I’m so glad we’re trying IVF, and I’m so thankful that a friend of mine went to this practice and encouraged me to go (she had also been a patient at the horrible practice I went to many years ago). Sometimes it’s hard not to wonder how different my experience would be if we didn’t wait so long – if maybe we had persevered with treatment three years ago, when we had our initial testing done. Maybe my ob/gyn should have been more concerned about my FSH, which was within normal limits, but high for my age. But I try to remind myself – we weren’t ready then. We are now, and that’s all that really matters.

I hope I get a good report today. And if I don’t, then we’ll hope for a better report next time, or we’ll try again. That’s all we can do.