Today, I am 5 days out from my 5 day transfer (I’m assuming transfer day is day 0).

I feel ok. I’m kind of crampy, but I felt a little bit that way before the transfer. I was on crinone (instead of PIO) since last Sunday, so I tried to really pay attention to the crinone/progesterone side effects for the three days before my transfer. I didn’t want to get my hopes up too much after the transfer with symptoms that are really progesterone side effects. I do feel almost a bit more crampy now, I think, but that could be from a multitude of things. I’m still weighing myself daily because of my OHSS risk, and I haven’t taken the cabergoline/dostinex since Wednesday. My weight came down a bit and then stayed exactly the same for 3-4 days, and between that and the number of days that have passed, I’m assuming the ovidrel is out of my system. This morning I had gained a pound, and I’m hoping it’s because hcg is getting back into my system from some freshly implanted and growing embryos. That might be a bit optimistic, though. Maybe I just ate too much yesterday! 🙂

It’s hard to figure out how to be…sometimes I feel optimistic, but I don’t want to get my hopes up too much. On the other hand, I don’t want to be too negative. M asked me how I was feeling about everything, and it’s almost hard to answer. I’m excited that it could have worked but scared that it didn’t. I’m relieved that I responded well and that our embryos looked good, but it makes me worry what the problem could be if everything else seems ok. All along, I was worried about my eggs and their quality – between the endometrioma that had been covering my ovary, high-ish fsh, and somewhat low AMH – I was afraid I wouldn’t get enough eggs, or that they wouldn’t fertilize, or that that the embryos wouldn’t look good. Each time I got a good report, I was relieved and stunned. I know I’m lucky that everything went as well as it did, but I’m scared by the prospect of it not working. If everything looked good up until the transfer, then what would the issue be???

I know I’m getting ahead of myself, because we don’t know yet if it worked or not. It’s just that I went into this process thinking that if it didn’t work, hopefully they’d learn something along the way. Maybe they’d need to adjust the protocol. But the fact that everything went as well as it did makes me think there isn’t much to change, and that wasn’t something I was really prepared for. It’s just not what I imagined.

My RE said I could get my beta on Thursday, so it’s not too much more of a wait. These last few days are definitely the hardest!