I’ve been feeling pretty lousy lately, and between that and working and having family visit for the holidays, I seem to have neglected this space.

Things are going well so far. I’m 9 weeks today, which I find amazing and frightening all at the same time. I just keep thinking that after all this time, I can’t be this easy. I’m trying to shake my fear and just accept that maybe for once, it’s just going to work out. As soon as I start to embrace it, though, I feel like I’m jinxing myself. I know that’s crazy – looking at strollers online isn’t going to cause a miscarriage – but it’s where my mind goes. I fear that as soon as I allow myself to be excited about my pregnancy, it will all be taken away.

I was released from my RE earlier this week, and because my gynecologist doesn’t practice obstetrics any more, I had to find an OB. I debated and debated and debated some more – showed my husband all the options for hospitals in the area and the pros and cons of each – and in the end just went with my gut feeling. I had five recommendations – three from my RE, one from a friend (who has several friends who also go to the same practice), and one from my gynecologist. Unfortunately, I wasn’t 100% happy with the ones my RE recommended. The one my friend recommended is staffed half by OB’s and half by midwives. They deliver at the hospital I really wanted to use, but I just wan’t entirely sold on their philosophy. I would love to feel really strongly about a non-interventionist birth plan and be able to trust that my body is going to do what it’s supposed to, but I’m just not there yet. At the moment, I’m more concerned about my cervix (from my LEEP) and just being reassured that everything will be ok. IVF involves so much monitoring and feedback, and I don’t think I could handle an abrupt change to something so much more laid back. So, I went with my gynecologist’s suggestion and am seeing the dr. she wholeheartedly recommended. I hope I like her! The only negative is that the practice and the hospital are downtown, and traffic can be a bear. I was hoping to avoid it (especially since there are three hospitals 10 minutes from my house), but I decided the doctor is more important than the location. I see her next week – fingers crossed!

I’m starting to feel a tiny bit better. I still feel sick if I don’t eat often (like every hour), but the extreme nauseousness I felt earlier in the week and about a week ago seems to have subsided – at least for now. It seems to come and go, which is nice, really, especially if the alternative is feeling sick 100% of the time. It seems worse when I’m tired or not drinking enough water, so I’m trying to keep an eye on those things. If I’m not super nauseous, I’m just generally slightly queasy, which has been the case for the past three weeks. I can handle that – but the extreme nauseousness is a bit tougher. At least I’m not actually vomiting!

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