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This post is all about pregnancy

I’m now 31 weeks. I can’t believe it!

I’m getting bigger, which is probably a good thing, but it’s totally bizarre. I always envied those pregnant bellies, but now that I have one, it’s a much stranger sensation that I would have imagined. I didn’t fully anticipate the discomfort – feeling like my skin is being stretched to its limit, that I’m running out of room. It isn’t horrible – just kind of odd. I started writing a post a few weeks ago when I was seriously uncomfortable, but I didn’t finish it. My tailbone/pubic bones literally felt like they were breaking in two, and I think I woke up every night for almost two months with intense hip pain. For whatever reason, both have vanished (although the tailbone thing returns if I’m not careful), even though my stomach is substantially larger.

I love imagining what our little girl will be like – what she’ll look like, and what kind of¬†temperament¬†she’ll have. It’s kind of surreal – knowing there’s this tiny baby moving around inside me (and what is she doing in there, exactly?), but knowing almost nothing about her. The whole thing is kind of scary. I’m not super scared about labor – it’s kind of intimidating, but it’s a finite event. I am scared, though, about being a parent. It’s scary to not know how I’ll react or feel once she’s here. I try to imagine it, but I know that until she’s here, I really can’t.

Sometimes I feel like I spent so long dealing with infertility that over time, I just stopped imagining what it would be like to actually have a child. I mean, I thought about it, but I stopped imagining. It’s hard to all of a sudden switch gears and imagine being a parent now. I would guess that a lot of people spend their pregnancy imagining and preparing for it, but I spent the first half of it just trying to believe that things were really going to work out. It’s STILL hard to believe, but at 31 weeks, odds are looking up.

History

2014
May: BFP for baby #2, due January 2015

2013
July: Our daughter is born!

2012
November: Still pregnant. Fingers crossed! EDD 7/5/13
October: retrieval 10/12; 5dt 10/17; BFP!!! 10/25-hcg=70; 10/29-hcg=391
September-October: IVF, microdose lupron flare protocol
June-July-August: approved! dealing with scheduling issues and most likely starting IVF in September
May: waiting for insurance approval to start treatment
April: laparoscopic surgery to remove endometrioma on left ovary; diagnosed with stage 3 endo
March: RE finds cyst - suspects endometrioma; also high FSH, low AMH
February: consult with RE; bloodwork, hsg

2011
January-February: Acupuncture once per week, vitex and natural progesterone after ovulation; back to charting bbt
March-April: end of ttc
May:diagnosed with severe cervical dysplasia (CIN III)
July-August: L.E.E.P. procedure and recovery

2010
December: Start acupuncture
May-November: Not actively trying/on a break/enjoying life
April: Not actively trying, still waiting for insurance coverage for injectables
January-March: still waiting to start injectables

2009
December 09-March 10: On a break while waiting to start injectables
November 2009: 50 mg Clomid CD 5-9; BFN
October 2009: All tests normal; Take 50 mg Clomid CD 5-9; BFN
July 2009: Ob/gyn asks for bbt chart, S/A, CD3 b/w; plan tbd.
April/May 2009: Switch from OPKs to the Clearblue Fertility Monitor
March/April 2009: Start using OPKs and bbt

2007-2008
Sept/Oct 2008: Stop preventing; 'if it happens, it happens'
Summer 2008: Stop BCPs; using bbt chart to prevent pregnancy
May 2007: Married again! husband #2; no plans for children

Previous Life
Fall 2005: Divorced
Summer 2005: See RE; more b/w, clomid challenge test, sonohysterogram; 2 Clomid IUI cycles - BFN; male factor discovered (he now has a child with wife #2)
Spring 2003: See ob/gyn for IF, get b/w and HSG; All results normal; Husband #1 gets S/A, which he says is normal; results never sent to ob/gyn
Spring 2002: Stop BCPs, begin ttc and charting bbt
Oct 2000: Married to husband #1