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>I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

I was so consumed with the turkey, cooking, and entertaining my in-laws that I was hardly able to participate in ICLW. 😦 I think I am going to pass on the next one, and pick it back up when the holidays are over.

We had a fun but busy week! I hardly even paid attention to the fact that I was taking Clomid, which was nice. I started to feel kind of icky on Saturday, which would have been CD 8. I think the same thing happened last month, too. I didn’t feel horrible, but I was sleepy and a little queasy. My tummy started sticking out, too – which is also just like last month! The Thanksgiving Day meal probably didn’t help much, either. I didn’t feel great yesterday, and I’m about the same today. It’s not unbearable, just sort of an all around ick. It’s the last time I’ll be taking Clomid, though, and it really hasn’t been too bad overall.

We didn’t end up telling my in-laws that we’re ttc or have started fertility treatments. It was hard to bring up – and even when I hinted at things like having kids, they either didn’t pick up on it or really just don’t want to know. I think I said something about ‘if we have kids…,’ and I was thinking maybe they would follow it up with a question about whether or not we were thinking about it. They didn’t, though, and there wasn’t really a good way to bring it up. M wanted them to know since my parents know, but it just didn’t happen. Maybe we can eventually skip all that and just give them some good news!

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>I have done a terrible job with ICLW this time around! I think I underestimated how long my Thanksgiving preparations would take, and then we have guests on top of that. I will make up for it next time!

Happy Thanksgiving!

>This isn’t IF-related, but I wanted to post my Thanksgiving menu:

Endive, Stilton, and Walnuts Salad
Turkey with Herbs de Provence and Citrus (and gravy)
Stuffing with Celery,Craisins, and Apply
Roasted Root Vegetables
Brussels Sprouts with Orange and Cranberry Brown Butter
Mashed Potatoes

For dessert, Gingerbread Squares with Honey Marscapone Cheese

I hope it’s good!

I picked up my Clomid prescription yesterday, and I’ll start taking it tomorrow. I didn’t have too many side effects last time, so I am hoping it is the same this time. The biggest issue was that my abdomen was so swollen, and I am guessing that will happen again! I put on a pair of pants this morning, and they were a little bit too big. I’m sure I’ll be glad for that in a few weeks!

>I am all focused on my in-laws arrival tomorrow and on our Thanksgiving meal, so while I am completely distracted, I did remember to call the dr’s office today and get another prescription of Clomid. Hopefully, that will go ok, and I’ll be able to pick it up today or tomorrow. I should start taking it on Wednesday, so I don’t have a lot of room for delay! I’m not expecting much success from it, but I’m willing to give it another try. It’s cheap and easy, and it’s our last chance before injections. I also don’t really want to try injections for the first time while my in-laws are here, so we’ll give Clomid one more chance.

After that, it will be the holidays, and then January – which will be time for injections. I’m a little freaked out about the cost, and I think it bothers M. even more. Illinois supposedly has a mandate to cover infertility (and my insurance plan actually does), but I don’t know that it means that my prescription plan has to cover it. Clomid wasn’t covered, and at a quick glance, it doesn’t look like other fertility medications are, either. I’ll have to figure that out at some point. I feel like I might feel differently about it if I wasn’t ovulating, or if I wasn’t responding to Clomid. Part of me just wonders what all these medications will really solve, when they don’t know what they’re fixing.

For now, though, I’ll stick with Clomid and focus on my turkey. 🙂 I’ll try to post my menu later today!

>Welcome to those who are visiting from ICLW!

I am running a little behind this time, partially because I had horrible cramps yesterday and was unable to move for portions of the day. It’s bad enough to have AF arrive…but having an especially painful period is like salt in the wound! I am feeling much better today.

For those of you who are here for the first time-
M. and I have been married for two and a half years, and we have been ttc for over a year. I’m 35, and we tried our first cycle of Clomid last month. We’re going to give it one more try this month, take a break over Christmas, and then move on to injections in January.

This is a second marriage for both of us. I also tried to have a child in my previous marriage – M. did not. My ex-husband and I went through some fertility testing and two Clomid/IUI cycles, but those were unsuccessful. Testing revealed some issues with him, but not with me. He has a child now, though, so I don’t know if that RE’s diagnosis was entirely accurate. Or, maybe he just got lucky.

M. and I aren’t sure how far we’re willing to go, but we’re taking things one month (or day) at a time. So, far, we’re in the ‘unexplained’ category, and since I had quite a bit of testing in the past, I would guess thing are going to stay that way for a while.

Welcome, and thanks for stopping by! 🙂

>I’ve mentioned in the past that I don’t get overly optimistic from one cycle to the next. I rarely POAS, because they have always been negative. I am hopeful, but I try to keep my expectations in check. It always goes well, except for the last day or two of a cycle. Every month, little thoughts creep into my head – that maybe this will be the month. Rationally, I try to push them aside, but they do creep in. Today, I am 11 dpo. Last night, M. asked if I thought we would ever have a child. I said that with time and money, probably, but without, I’m not sure. I said I like to think that we will. He gets nervous about the financial aspect and the quality of life issue (shots, monitoring, etc.), but I always say we have to just take it one month at a time. You never know – I said – this could be the month! But I don’t want him to expect too much, either, because then the disappointment is so much greater.

As the holidays approach, I think it’s common to look back on the past year. Last Thanksgiving, I remember thinking how great it would be if we could surprise M’s parents and tell them that I was pregnant. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, and it’s almost hard to believe we are in the same position we were last year – hoping again that we can surprise them. It’s hard to believe a year has passed since then, but here we are. I’m still not overly optimistic about this cycle (a low dose of Clomid can only do so much, especially for someone who is already ovulating), but I am optimistic we will have made progress by next year. If I’m not pregnant, we will probably be near the end of the line in terms of treatment. Looking ahead, I am hopeful that we will at some point have good news to share, and in the meantime, I am so thankful for all that I already have.

>I have a crazy schedule right now, so it might be difficult for me to post frequently. I honestly don’t have much to say right now, anyway…I’m still in the 2WW, and I don’t usually get my hopes up much. It’s not that I’m negative about it – I just don’t have very high expectations. I’m 9 dpo now, and while I have some cramping and things, I could just feel different from taking Clomid. I do keep wondering if my lp will be the same length this cycle. It’s usually only 11 days, so I keep wondering if it will be longer.

I’m really just preoccupied with my job right now (which is still in flux). I’m hoping to have things straightened out soon, but in the meantime, I have a ton of work to do in three different departments. I can hardly keep track of where I need to be throughout the day! I’m also starting to think about Thanksgiving (menu planning, and what to do with our guests while they’re here) and Christmas. It’s good to have something other than infertility to think about.

My in-laws are coming for Thanksgiving, and I finished the menu over the weekend. I hope it’s good! I’m doing the same thing as last year, except for a few substitutions. I like Thanksgiving …since we don’t have any family in the area, we end up traveling for a lot of holidays. I put my foot down for Thanksgiving last year, and it’s nice to stay home. I like cooking the meal, too!

We want to tell our in-laws that we’re ttc and even pursuing fertility treatments, but it’s so hard to bring up! M is an only child, and we told his parents we weren’t going to have children when we got married. Since it’s their only shot at grandchildren, we sort of want them to know what’s going on. M’s mom was also an only child, and M’s dad has one sibling. M has two cousins – one has a little girl, and the other is unable to have children. His family is shrinking, and it’s the end of the line on his mom’s side. On his dad’s side, M is the last person with their last name. While we have no idea if we’ll be able to have children or not, we want them to know we’re trying. I would probably be more likely to blurt it out (M would probably have a smoother approach), but I’m not super close with M’s parents. It’s not that we don’t get along, but it’s a 2nd marriage for both of us. I think that makes a difference. I also met them when I was already in my 30’s, and I think that just creates a different kind of relationship. So, telling them really rests on M. We’ll see how it goes!

>I really don’t have much new to report…I’m still going crazy at work and am hoping this weird phase I’m in ends soon. I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I just keep telling myself it will work out.

Since things have been so crazy at work, we decided to do a second Clomid cycle, instead of moving on to injections. I’m afraid that working in three different departments who all want 20 hours of my time won’t mesh well with additional monitoring appointments. So, I’ll do another easy Clomid cycle before moving on (assuming this cycle wasn’t a success). If that cycle is also unsuccessful, I think we may have to pass on fertility treatment in December. Unless things line up differently than I’m thinking they will, we’ll be out of town for Christmas when I would need to have an ultrasound and bloodwork. At first, I was sort of disappointed that we should have to ‘skip’ a cycle, but I’m over it. I certainly can’t control the calendar!

So, assuming I am still not pregnant in January, we would start injectables then. Way to ring in the new year! 🙂 I still have some decisions to make about when I should switch to an RE (since my ob/gyn does monitoring and everything), but I’ll save that for another day.

>My job situation is still up in the air, but I may have two potential options. Of course, that is fantastic news! The downside is that I am currently “helping” both departments, which is a serious scheduling nightmare. I’m supposed to be splitting my time between them (since my department is closing), but I still have some work to do for the job I already have. It’s stressful, and I just hope I get some news soon that one of them will be hiring me. The other problem is that I’m not sure what I want. They are two totally different jobs, with different futures. One is high-profile, with a future that is hard to imagine but most likely secure. The other is almost the same thing I do now, but with a different group of people. This other group of people, though, can be a challenge to work with. Every day, I change my mind about which job I want, and the back and forth between the two groups is making me a little crazy. I’ll be happy when it’s over.

It’s also hard to tell how each job would work in terms of fertility treatments, pregnancy, and hopefully, parenthood. In my current position, I could go to doctor’s appointments fairly frequently without asking for permission or even really letting anyone know. As long as I get my work done and attend the majority of meetings I have scheduled, it pretty much works out. In these positions, it’s hard to tell. In the higher-profile position, I would definitely need to let my potential boss know. I thought the other position might be more flexible, but the emails I’ve gotten today make me question that. I wish I would just get pregnant, so I could look at these positions in the right context. Not knowing what’s going to happen makes it so hard!

On the positive side, my temp. was 98.0 again today, so I definitely ovulated over the weekend. I’m keeping my fingers crossed!

>We had such a great weekend…the weather was fantastic, and it felt like we were gone much longer than two days. We had some amazing meals, went shopping, and spent way too much money, but now we are back to reality. 🙂

My shopping was somewhat limited because of my swollen abdomen, but I was able to buy some cute tops for work. I finally got the peak on my monitor on Saturday morning, which was a relief! My ovaries felt a little achey all day on Saturday and a little bit on Sunday, but it’s better today. My abdomen isn’t sticking out quite as far, but it’s still not like it was before the cycle started. I’m starting to wonder if part of the issue is that I have just put on weight, but it’a hard to say for sure.

I screwed up my bbt over the weekend. We stayed up quite late and slept late, too, so my temperature was higher than it should have been. I didn’t even bother with it on Sunday. It was crazy high today, though – 98 degrees – so I definitely ovulated over the weekend. I’m guessing it was yesterday, because I almost always O on the second peak day, and it couldn’t be today because my temp. was already high this morning. There’s a small possibility it could have been Saturday, but I suppose the fact that I know I ovulated within a 2-day range is what’s important.

It will be interesting to see how my bbt is for the rest of the cycle. My temp. doesn’t usually go up so high right after ovulation, so I’m hoping this is a good thing. The temperature shift was much more dramatic than when I ovulate on my own, which I’m assuming means I had a stronger ovulation. I’m a little bit hopeful, but I’m mentally prepared for AF to arrive, too. I’ll be disappointed if this didn’t work, but I would feel enormously lucky if it were this easy.

History

2014
May: BFP for baby #2, due January 2015

2013
July: Our daughter is born!

2012
November: Still pregnant. Fingers crossed! EDD 7/5/13
October: retrieval 10/12; 5dt 10/17; BFP!!! 10/25-hcg=70; 10/29-hcg=391
September-October: IVF, microdose lupron flare protocol
June-July-August: approved! dealing with scheduling issues and most likely starting IVF in September
May: waiting for insurance approval to start treatment
April: laparoscopic surgery to remove endometrioma on left ovary; diagnosed with stage 3 endo
March: RE finds cyst - suspects endometrioma; also high FSH, low AMH
February: consult with RE; bloodwork, hsg

2011
January-February: Acupuncture once per week, vitex and natural progesterone after ovulation; back to charting bbt
March-April: end of ttc
May:diagnosed with severe cervical dysplasia (CIN III)
July-August: L.E.E.P. procedure and recovery

2010
December: Start acupuncture
May-November: Not actively trying/on a break/enjoying life
April: Not actively trying, still waiting for insurance coverage for injectables
January-March: still waiting to start injectables

2009
December 09-March 10: On a break while waiting to start injectables
November 2009: 50 mg Clomid CD 5-9; BFN
October 2009: All tests normal; Take 50 mg Clomid CD 5-9; BFN
July 2009: Ob/gyn asks for bbt chart, S/A, CD3 b/w; plan tbd.
April/May 2009: Switch from OPKs to the Clearblue Fertility Monitor
March/April 2009: Start using OPKs and bbt

2007-2008
Sept/Oct 2008: Stop preventing; 'if it happens, it happens'
Summer 2008: Stop BCPs; using bbt chart to prevent pregnancy
May 2007: Married again! husband #2; no plans for children

Previous Life
Fall 2005: Divorced
Summer 2005: See RE; more b/w, clomid challenge test, sonohysterogram; 2 Clomid IUI cycles - BFN; male factor discovered (he now has a child with wife #2)
Spring 2003: See ob/gyn for IF, get b/w and HSG; All results normal; Husband #1 gets S/A, which he says is normal; results never sent to ob/gyn
Spring 2002: Stop BCPs, begin ttc and charting bbt
Oct 2000: Married to husband #1