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>I took my second dose of Clomid last night, and I have been feeling ok overall. I think that the last time I took it, it was more like 100 or 150 mg, and I am pretty sure I took it for ten days (followed by a trigger shot). I remember feeling kind of lousy, but they were also getting concerned about having too many follicles. They started talking about selective reduction, which was kind of ironic since my ex-husband’s sperm was all screwed up in the first place. I still can’t believe they didn’t think to mention that until my second IUI! Anyway – so far, this is much better. I hope it keeps going ok. I decided to keep doing my bbt, just to see how it goes, and I’m still using the clearblue fertility monitor to see when I might ovulate. I know those machines are expensive, but it is so worth it! I think it’s so much easier than dealing with opk’s.

Hopefully, I will keep feeling ok! One of M’s concerns through all this is my health and overall well-being. If it’s too hard on me, I know he won’t want to keep pursuing treatment. It’s good that I have felt mostly ok so far.

At some point, I’ll have to decide what we want to do for the next cycle. My insurance isn’t covering anything yet, but Clomid was only $18. Since we aren’t doing an IUI, the whole cycle pretty much costs $18. It’s possible my insurance will approve everything within the next few weeks, so I may have the option of moving on to injectibles after this cycle. If I feel ok for the rest of the cycle, though, I might be tempted to give Clomid one more chance. I don’t want to drag things out, but I want to enjoy the holidays, too. I guess I just have to wait and see!

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>I start my first day of Clomid tonight! I’m sort of excited, which is sort of weird. I honestly don’t expect much from it, and I’ve taken it before. But, I think it just feels good to be doing something.

I’m not a really high-strung person, but I don’t like uncertainty. When my ex-husband and I tried to get pregnant, I seriously freaked out. And I was freaked out early on, too. I remember we had been trying for six months, and I knew right then that something wasn’t right. I think I started getting nervous around 4 months, and by 6, I was really upset. I had been doing my bbt charts, and I could tell I ovulated every month. I could tell we timed everything perfectly, but I wasn’t pregnant. I was 27. I was scared, and I didn’t know what was going to happen. My ex-husband dismissed my fears, and he even complained to his mother about it. He said he didn’t want to deal with me being upset every month, and that I was blowing things out of proportion. A year later, I had a HSG and got the all-clear. He had a SA, but he wouldn’t let me go into the office with him when he got the results. I never really knew what they were, except that they were “mostly fine and shouldn’t cause a problem.” Later on, the tables were turned. He put a lot of pressure on me to see an RE and said that we HAD to have a baby. He said I would ruin his life if I didn’t make it happen. I went to the RE, but I was on my own. He never went to any appointments with me, and if I said anything about being uncomfortable or not feeling well, he got mad at me. It was a terrible time. When I found out at my second IUI that he had some kind of infection, he wasn’t there. I had to call and give him the news. He didn’t believe me, even though I’m fairly sure they told him something similar when he had the SA done a year or two before. I don’t know if he ever went back to the doctor to get the prescription and vitamins they said he should take. I don’t know because we divorced a few months later.

That whole time period of my life was so dark. I was so unhappy, and I felt like I would never get out of it. I knew he was serious when he said he HAD to have a baby. He had a lot of problems with depression and anxiety, and I knew he thought it would make him feel better. I had made him feel better at one time, but it didn’t work anymore. He needed something new.

I didn’t see it in front of me at the time. I was so used to walking on eggshells and not thinking about what I wanted or needed, that it seemed totally normal. Going through infertility treatment, though, made it so obvious. And it made me so angry – angry enough that I could leave.

Going through this with M. is SO different. It’s still hard, and I still wish we didn’t have to go through this hardship. At the same time, though, I have an optimism that I didn’t have before. I really think that something will work out and that I eventually will have a baby. If it doesn’t, it will be sad, but I know that we will still have a happy life together.

When we first started trying, I was so scared. I spent almost my entire previous marriage trying to have a child, and I never knew how many of our problems began with infertility. I’ll never know, but I know that won’t happen now. Going through this with M. makes all the difference in the world, and I’m strangely calm and optimistic.

>We had a great time at the wedding. It’s always so great to see my old friends…although it makes me realize how much I miss them! They’re spread out throughout the state where I grew up, and now I live a 10-15 hour drive away from them (depending on where they live in the state). I like where I live, but there’s no one here that has known me for as long as they have. Seeing them is so familiar and comfortable…they appreciate me for who I am, and that’s a great feeling. Some I have lost touch with a little bit over the years, and that makes me sad, but when I see them, it’s like no time has passed.

I’m exhausted after the trip, but I’m so glad we went!

I picked up my prescription for Clomid on Friday, which did turn out to be CD1. At least I got to enjoy myself at the wedding…my cramps were mostly gone by then, and I could have some wine without worrying about being pregnant or on medication. I thought I had to start taking it on CD3, but the pharmacist said he thought it was CD 5. I called my dr’s office, and I am supposed to start on CD5. It could be that she said 3 (they said she does sometimes have people take it starting on CD3), or I could have had 3 stuck in my head from the blood work. Anyway – it’s CD5, which is tomorrow.

I hope I feel ok on it. I remember feeling pretty icky last time, but it was 2-3 times the amount, in combination with a trigger shot. Plus, my ex-husband was kind of a jerk, and I’m sure that didn’t help. 🙂 We’ll see how it goes! It’s sort of weird to take it unmonitored, but it’s certainly easy. I don’t have high hopes for it, but you never know!

>I woke up a million times last night with cramps, so I was sure I would wake up this morning to find AF had arrived. I was wrong, but it’s on its way. I took a pregnancy test to be sure, and it was negative. I wasn’t disappointed, because I figured that’s what it would be. I kind of needed to know, though, because we are going out of town tonight for a wedding tomorrow. It will be so nice to get away! The other issue is that I have to fill my Clomid prescription, and I didn’t want to bother if I didn’t need it! I am thinking today (at some point) will be CD1, so Sunday will be CD3. That’s the day I need to start taking it, so I want to fill it before we go (just in case we have any problems with flights on the way back!).

I have to admit I had a small (tiny) hope that maybe I would be one of those people you hear about…the last natural cycle, all set to start taking fertility medications, and I get pregnant! I didn’t hold out much hope, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t cross my mind.

I think the cycle will be fairly laid back. It’s only 50mg, and we are just doing timed intercourse. It’s really just a “better than nothing” kind of approach while I wait for my insurance approval. I would be thrilled if it worked, but I am not expecting a lot.

>Hello to everyone who is here from ICLW! I signed up super late – I think at the last possible minute – so thank you for not penalizing a procrastinator. 🙂

A little background about me…
M and I have been married for almost 2.5 years, and we are both in our mid-30’s. This is a second marriage for both of us (I actually went through some fertility testing and treatment with my previous husband, too). We have been ttc for just over a year, and I will most likely start Clomid in a few days. I’m seeing an Ob/Gyn and haven’t moved on to an RE yet. I live in a small-ish college town, and there is only one RE within driving distance. My dr. seems like they’re willing do to some monitoring (not on Clomid – only with injectables), so I am going to see how it goes. They only want to use Clomid for 1-2 cycles.

So far, we have unexplained infertility. All my blood work and everything came back normal, and M’s SA was great. I had a lot of tests when I saw an RE in my previous marriage, and at that time, they though the problem was that my ex. He has some kind of infection that game him a terrible count, motility, and morphology. He now has a child, though, so it seems like there was more to it than that!

I don’t expect results for Clomid, but at least it’s a start.

Thanks for stopping by!

>A few months ago, someone I know announced on Facebook that she was pregnant. I saw her a month or so before that, so I knew they were trying (but, as she said, she would NEVER use fertility medication or any kind of ART). I think they tried for less than three months. When they got the big news, they announced it on Facebook (when she estimated she was about eight weeks along), which is annoying. Then, they posted ultrasound photos…ok, fine. It’s also annoying, but I know a lot of people do it.

Yesterday, they posted a link (on Facebook!) to their baby gift registry…along with a status update to let everyone know it was available. Seriously?!?

>Nothing is really new here…I am waiting for AF to arrive and getting ready for a busy week. We are going out of town for a wedding this weekend, so I’m trying to decide when I want to fill my Clomid prescription. If my lp is 11-12 days, I’ll probably just need to fill it before I go.

I’m so confused about my insurance coverage, though. I live in a state that mandates fertility coverage, and I have looked at the documentation that goes along with my plan. M’s insurance is based in another state, so his doesn’t cover anything. Mine does. I have to give it a second look, but I know it says that it covers infertility testing and treatment. I thought it said it covered medications, too, but I think I also have a separate prescription plan.

Now, technically, they won’t cover anything until they get a plan and request from my doctor. That’s happening now. In the meantime, my dr. said Clomid would be a good way to go, because it’s cheap. I’m trying to gauge how much future cycles might cost, and I can’t seem to make heads or tails out of it. Everything on the prescription plan’s website just says “not covered.” I don’t know if there’s some kind of communication that takes place between my insurance company and the prescription company, or what.I guess it will become more clear over time. It seems like it should be less confusing.

>I think things went well yesterday! I got to see the dr that I was scheduled to see (thank you, pregnant women, for not going into labor before my appointment!), and she was great. She went over all the tests we’ve had – essentially, line by line. I loved that! When I saw an RE years ago, I never knew what tests they were even taking, much less what the results were. All they would say was that things looked good or would just tell me what to do next. So, my experience yesterday was a big relief. I was tested for a billion things (they even tested my cholesterol!), and they did a prenatal panel, too. Everything looks totally normal, which is good. My FSH was a little over 6, which was a relief. She explained that the FSH number is not always a good indicator of ovarian reserve and egg quality, but that it’s still good to have it under 10. I know that some dr’s won’t proceed with IVF on patients who have an FSH higher than 10, so it’s just good to know where I stand. I’ll be 36 in May, and there is only one RE in town, so I would like to keep my options open!

Anyway – I really liked the dr. Even though she’s not an RE, she was very informed. She knew about a lot of studies, different protocols, etc. I still think it will be a little different and with less monitoring than an RE, but I am ok with that for now. If there were a bunch or RE’s in the area to choose from, I might feel differently. But the RE is only in town 50% of the time as it is, and her main practice is two hours away.

So, here’s the deal. Apparently, because my insurance covers all of this, the first thing they have to do is write a letter to the insurance company to get pre-approval for a treatment plan. She is doing that now. While we’re waiting for that, I’ll take clomid. It’s only 50mg, and they don’t do any monitoring or an IUI. She didn’t expect much from it, but said it was worth a shot while we wait. Until the insurance approves it, nothing is covered. Since Clomid is inexpensive, it’s worth a shot. So we’ll do that for 1-2 cycles.

After that (hopefully with approval in hand), we would move on to injections – and then she mentioned two routes…I’m a little foggy on this part, because she talked about two medications. She said they could be used separately or together, and we could either try one alone for one cycle, or use them in combination right off the bat. One was Follistim, but I can’t remember the other one (maybe Repronex, but I’m not sure). Anyway, we would also check my tubes (which I have had done before, but we’ll give it another look) – but that is also pending the insurance approval. She mentioned the possibility of doing laproscopic surgery, to see if something is going on that we’re missing, but she didn’t seem to think it would be terribly useful and worth the risk. There would be more ultrasounds with the injectable medications, and closer monitoring overall. It still seemed like less than what I had at the RE’s office, but enough that they would be able to monitor it. I don’t think there would be much fooling around with dosages or anything – it seems like they have kind of a standard thing that they stick with. That’s fine, since she was thinking the whole thing would hopefully take 6-7 months. After that, she said, they would send me to the RE and plan for IVF.

She said we could slow things down if we want to and take breaks or try a few things for a longer period of time if we wanted to, but if we wanted to get moving, this would be the general plan. I think it’s good. I’m not totally thrilled about Clomid, but the dosage is half of what I took before, so it might be ok. It feels good to at least be moving ahead. My hope is that within a year, we’ll know one way or another. We’ll either have a baby or be pregnant, or we’ll know this just isn’t going to happen for us.

>My doctor’s appointment is today…in about an hour. M. was going to come with me, but I don’t want to waste his time. That may sounds strange, but I have a few concerns about the appointment. First, I am now scheduled to see the Ob/Gyn who owns the practice. Since the dr I was seeing (who did not deliver babies) is no longer there, I have some concerns about this dr actually being available. I mean, what are the chances no one is in labor today? If she’s not available, I don’t know who I’ll get or how much of a plan we’ll really come up with. If that’s the case, I will probably just ask for a referral for an RE (actually, it’s THE RE; sometimes, living in a small college town is not all its cracked up to be!). If the dr is there, I may ask for a referral anyway, based on her plan and how things might work there. I need a referral because I have an HMO that covers infertility, so I need to go to the ob/gyn first either way.

There is a possibility that I’ll see the dr, that she’ll have a good plan, and that I’ll do a few cycles of treatment there before moving on. I suppose if that happens, it would have been nice to have M. there for the initial appointment. He’s had a crazy week, though. Our cat is deathly ill, and he has been running to the vet a bunch this week. I feel like he needs a break!

I’ll post something tomorrow about my appointment! Wish me luck!

>

Thanks to Low Fat Lady at Tales of My Follies for the award!

Sorry I am so late accepting it!

Rules

1. You Can Only Use One Word!

2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers

3. Alert them that you have given them this award!

4. Have Fun!


The Fun Part

1. Where is your cell phone? Bag

2. Your hair? Brown

3. Your mother? Strong

4. Your father? Nice

5. Your favorite food? Pizza

6. Your dream last night? None

7. Your favorite drink? Wine

8. Your dream/goal? Happiness

9. What room are you in? Office

10. Your hobby? Cooking

11. Your fear? Unknown

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Comfortable

13. Where were you last night? Home

14. Something that you aren’t? Tall

15. Muffins? Yum!

16. Wish list item? Shoes

17. Where did you grow up? Northeast

18. Last thing you did? Eat

19. What are you wearing? Dress

20. Your TV? Big

21. Your pets? Two

22. Friends? Loyal

23. Your life? Good

24. Your mood? Positive

25. Missing someone? No

26. Vehicle? Jeep

27. Something you’re not wearing? Bracelet

28. Your favorite store? Macy’s

29. Your favorite color? Red

30. When was the last time you laughed? Today

31. Last time you cried? August

32. Your best friend? Tara

33. One place that I go to over and over? Bed

34. One person who emails me regularly? Tara

35. Favorite place to eat? Home

I have to think about nominating other people, but I will get to it asap! Thanks again!

History

2014
May: BFP for baby #2, due January 2015

2013
July: Our daughter is born!

2012
November: Still pregnant. Fingers crossed! EDD 7/5/13
October: retrieval 10/12; 5dt 10/17; BFP!!! 10/25-hcg=70; 10/29-hcg=391
September-October: IVF, microdose lupron flare protocol
June-July-August: approved! dealing with scheduling issues and most likely starting IVF in September
May: waiting for insurance approval to start treatment
April: laparoscopic surgery to remove endometrioma on left ovary; diagnosed with stage 3 endo
March: RE finds cyst - suspects endometrioma; also high FSH, low AMH
February: consult with RE; bloodwork, hsg

2011
January-February: Acupuncture once per week, vitex and natural progesterone after ovulation; back to charting bbt
March-April: end of ttc
May:diagnosed with severe cervical dysplasia (CIN III)
July-August: L.E.E.P. procedure and recovery

2010
December: Start acupuncture
May-November: Not actively trying/on a break/enjoying life
April: Not actively trying, still waiting for insurance coverage for injectables
January-March: still waiting to start injectables

2009
December 09-March 10: On a break while waiting to start injectables
November 2009: 50 mg Clomid CD 5-9; BFN
October 2009: All tests normal; Take 50 mg Clomid CD 5-9; BFN
July 2009: Ob/gyn asks for bbt chart, S/A, CD3 b/w; plan tbd.
April/May 2009: Switch from OPKs to the Clearblue Fertility Monitor
March/April 2009: Start using OPKs and bbt

2007-2008
Sept/Oct 2008: Stop preventing; 'if it happens, it happens'
Summer 2008: Stop BCPs; using bbt chart to prevent pregnancy
May 2007: Married again! husband #2; no plans for children

Previous Life
Fall 2005: Divorced
Summer 2005: See RE; more b/w, clomid challenge test, sonohysterogram; 2 Clomid IUI cycles - BFN; male factor discovered (he now has a child with wife #2)
Spring 2003: See ob/gyn for IF, get b/w and HSG; All results normal; Husband #1 gets S/A, which he says is normal; results never sent to ob/gyn
Spring 2002: Stop BCPs, begin ttc and charting bbt
Oct 2000: Married to husband #1